Out of Their Asses

17 April, 2008

So the Crew pulls a series victory out of their asses in New York, only to squander the momentum by blowing games one and two against St. Louis.  Game three is today at noon, and the Brewers need to win to salvage anything, as they are now in third in the Central.

I had such high hopes as last season ended, but as the offseason and the first 14 games of the regular season are over I can only wonder why Milwaukee isn’t winning games that they should.  I’ve made a ton of derogatory comments, a few off-base predictions, and numerous photoshopped images.  Would you like more of the same?

I give you the…

That’s right, the Brewers middle infielders are sucking some ass at the plate, both are hitting at or under .200.  But that’s not the only thing wrong with the Crew this year.  I give you…

So you stop eating meat and start hitting 220 with no HRs.  Fantastic.  Why not grow some dreadlocks and start doing yoga?  Oh.  You did that too.

On that note I give you…

Yeah, I say it.


What Could Possibly More Depressing?

12 April, 2008

What could be more depressing than a 3 game skid for the Crew?  Milwaukee seems to be bumbling its way through a second consecutive series and frankly they’ve looked like shit after the 6th inning in the last three games.  So what could possibly be worse than that?

Signing the “I won’t let him drive for 12 hours” form after a co-worker gets pulled over for a DUI.  I guess that’s not the bad part of the situation.  The truly depressing portion is the realization that I will have to cover his Saturday shift instead of trying to find a special lady friend.  I’m fucked.  The only consolation I have is that there isn’t a picture like this of me…

it\'s easy to tell when you\'re way too drunk to drive

The Hangover From the Endless Innings.

10 April, 2008

My name is Monkey, and when the Brewers give up multiple runs in 4 consecutive innings, I’m an alcoholic.  After the 6th inning nothing went right for the Crew and the way I feel this morning tells me that no matter what I thought last night, nothing went right for me either.  So here I sit, still disappointed and mildly nauseous, watching the Price Is Right and hoping that both the Brewers and myself can find redemption this afternoon.

But that’s baseball.  That’s life.  There are narrow victories and crushing defeats, uplifting comebacks and depressing collapses.  The real story of a season is told through a teams reaction to the collapses and defeats, Their character is revealed by how they win.  Is that why I love baseball, or is it the hotdogs?

Why do they race?

They Race For Taste!!

So in an hour it’ll be Villanueva vs Harang.  My brothers were pessimistic about today’s matchup last night, but I maintain that Villanueva can throw, plus here’s Harangs line against Milwaukee the last three years:

3.82 2 1 0 0 9 9 1 63.2 76 27 27 10 16 59 .300

What really gives me hope is the .300 avg he’s giving up.  Also the 10 HRs in 9 games is good news for the home team.  Here’s Villanueva’s split lifetime against the Reds.

2.31 1 0 0 0 8 3 0 23.1 22 6 6 0 9 19 .259

Not only is the sub 3 ERA encouraging, but so is the 0 HRs given up along with the .259 opp BA are reasons to take the Brewers in this one.

I need breakfast.

Game Day.

5 April, 2008

It’s 12:07 and Manny Parra throws a strike for his first pitch of the day. Given that Benjie Molina is the Giants clean up hitter I feel pretty good about todays game. Parra gets the first two outs to put a smile on my face. Until just now I had no idea that Randy Winn was still in the bigs. I kind of feel sorry for Bruce Bochy because no one could manage 65 wins with San Francisco’s lineup. Giants go 3 up 3 down and the Brewers will get to bat. Kevin Correia is pitching for SF, and he’s perhaps a bright spot for them. Will he be the Bays next Jason Schmidt or the next Merkin Valdez? I wonder if Merkin’s parents knew what a Merkin is when they named him. Prince Fielder grounds into a DP to end the inning. And yes, I know what else DP can stand for.

Damn you WordPress, with your non functional link adder. I know I could just edit the HTML, but I’m lazy and lazy people don’t writ HTML code when they’re as tired as I am. Molina ends up getting an extra base on a wild throw from Counsell. Cest la ‘vive, No? Potential web gem for Fielder? Maybe an athletic catch by a fat man just seems more impressive than if a more lithe player had made it.

I can feel a nap coming on. I’ll try to make it, but I don’t know if I can.

End of the Giants 2nd. Parra has 3 strikeouts so far. Interesting note: Counsell’s error was the Crew’s first of the season.

Crew get the first 2 on with noone out in the bottom of the 2nd. Correia looked good in the 1st, but not so much against the last two batters. I think that Braun ripping one into left may have shaken him a bit. A fielders choice gets Braun at third, but Hart out-hustles the double play attempt. I guess now its time to see if Mike Rivera can hit.  Shitty.  Bill Hall just got thrown out stealing third.  at least Cory Hart is on 2nd, but none of this matters if Rivera goes down.

WHAM BAM THANK YOU MA’AM!!  Rivera flubs one in the infield grass, almost like a bunt, and the throw to first was wide by 5 feet, Cory Hart scored from second. Add this moment to the already long Giants blooper reel.  Bad Luck or Incompetence?  You Decide.

The Best Part of Staying Up…

5 April, 2008

is getting home just as the sun rises, knowing full well that the Brewers play at noon, and I have a new episode of Battlestar Galactica to watch. I only wish that I had spent the last 12 hours doing something that anyone might consider ‘fun’. I mean, there were the deliveries to the Wisconsin High School Football Coaches Association’s convention at the Marriott. If y’all want to have some fun, or at the very least drink until you’re belligerent, I suggest A High School Football Coaches Convention. It doesn’t matter which state you live in, just go. And bring a camera. And Beer. Lots and lots of beer.

The Monkey\'s new hatso here is a reason to love Canada and their crazy idea to make the football field longer, and increase the number of players on the field.  The best idea  any Americans had (after the XFL, of course) is to play football indoors on a field the size of a hockey rink.  There’s a reason why some people resist change, Arena Football being only a small example.  My example would be how I was getting along just fine with the old WordPress interface.  I didn’t mind typing in align=”left” to turn on word wrappping.  I really didn’t.  Then some-one decided to change the entire way I do (non) business.  Now I hardly recognize this website.  I may be for Obama, but I’d vote for “stay the course” candidate to run WordPress.

And now to change the subject completely and suddenly, The Brewers whaled on the Giants yesterday, doing their part to erase the awful memory of the last time a team called the Giants played a Wisconsin franchise.  Villanueva looked good, as did the Brewers offense and now Parra will get a turn to tune-up against a Cleveland-Indians-In-Major-League-esque Giants squad at noon today.  Until then, good day.

Last Chance to Sweep.

3 April, 2008

Brewers are down 3 in the top of the 9th.  3 more outs to sweep the Cubs and open the season on the best possible note.  It’s only with trepidation that I believe its good news that Kerry Wood is coming on to close the game, even after his game one performance.  Win or lose I have to leave for work before the game will be over.

2 outs left for the Crew as Corey Hart Ks.  Wood seems to have some confidence back, he’s throwing strikes today.  Hardy grounds out, and the Brewers have one out left.  Crew gets a double and now is when Jason Kendall can earn his money.  Confident Kerry left and Kendall has a 3-1 count to work with here.

Here is something for Cubs fans to think about. 

It’s over on a called strike.  Way to earn the highest salary on the team Jason.

I have to work now, try to keep it together.

Sobering Up: A Two Week Bender

24 March, 2008

Jesus, I almost forgot that I used to do this every day. I guess getting into peak shape for St. Patrick’s day took it’s toll. But I really can’t blame the layoff on alcohol alone. Booze isn’t the only thing I’ve been binging on these past two weeks. I have viewed over 65 hours of TV as well. I burned through seasons 3 through 5 of the Wire, seasons 5 and 6 of the Shield, kept up with all the current television shows I’m watching, and still managed to work full time. Poor clock management you say? Just call me Joe Gibbs.

So whats to talk about? The Badgers having the easiest road to the Elite 8 of any team still alive? Half my predictions about the Brewer’s opening day roster going south? My complete lack of interest in the NBA playoffs? My bracket being in tatters after Georgetown and Duke and Marquette and Georgia depart the Tourney early? Seems like a good start…

Wisconsin and the (not so) Stacked Bracket

*following paragraph will contain blatant homerism* Tell me honestly that the Midwest bracket didn’t seem a little strange to you too. First I was upset at the Badgers 3 seed. Ranked in the top 6 in both polls and they get a three? RPI??!? What the fuck is that?? So I got over the fact that UW had played against a weak Big Ten, and that maybe a three seed was justified. However as soon as I saw a potential 2nd round matchup against USC I had to check which region the Badgers were seeded in. Until Sunday I had no idea that California had been annexed by the Midwest. It made less sense than UConn being seeded in the West. I had a sleepless night worrying about OJ Mayo and other what if scenarios. But then USC lost. So everything is good right? Except now Georgetown is a possible matchup in the Sweet Sixteen. Isn’t Georgetown on the….never mind. I had even more tossing and turning in front of my TV before Georgetown lost to Davidson. And now? I’m worried about Kansas. *end of blatant homerism*

So here I am, tickled pink at the prospects of an Elite 8 appearence by my alma mater, not even caring that I only picked 9 of 16 teams still left. My bracket may be shredded by any account, but my hopes are still high. I may not win the pool, but….Shit, I’m not going to win the pool. So what’s left to write about if the blatant homerism was supposed to end with my previous paragraph? Fake awards? I suppose I could do that.

Most Likely to Succeed: North Carolina. Top seed in the tournament gets to play a team from the opposite coast for a chance to advance? Are you kidding me? I won’t punch a ticket to the Final Four for them yet, but

Most Likely to Disappoint: Xavier. How these guys snagged a three seed is beyond me. They play in a conference with Rhode Island for Christ’s sake. Bad news for the Musketeers as West Virginia rolls in after upsetting 2 seed Duke.

Least Likely to Cover: UCLA. 51 points? That’s it? Well, see you next year….You Won? You only scored 51 points and you won? How did that happen? And you call yourselves a 1 seed. The only way the Bruins cover is a ridiculously low spread and maybe not even then.

Most Likely Cinderella:(tied) Western Kentucky and West Virginia. My honest assessment at this stage is that a Cinderella Final Four appearence is most likely to happen in the West. The number 2 seed gets bounced early by West Virginia and the number 4 and 5 seeds are out after the first round and the number 1 put up only 51 points against the 9 seed. Maybe I’m wrong to have no faith in either UCLA or Xavier, but my bet is on a low seeded Final Four berth coming out of the West.

Class Clown: Villanova. No seniors on the roster and your next opponent is Kansas? Yes, Villanova, you are officially the most likely to look silly.


I wish it were Spring in the world.

So completely wrong was I, about Vinny Rottino. I had hopes so high for an 8 man bullpen, but it was not to be. The Brewers designated Rottino for assignment a few days ago, meaning that Eric Munson should be the frontrunner to back up Jason Kendall. Also I spoke ill of Tony Gwynn Jr, only to see him hit .405 thus far. I believe that I wanted Gabe Gross to start in right and see Corey Hart in center. I don’t feel all that badly about it as Gross has 4 HRs in Spring Training (and more total bases than Jr.) and Gwynns been caught stealin 3/7 attempts. But I’m just looking for anything that would vindicate me at this point.

As for the Brewers pitching, it hasn’t been particularly pretty, as Gagne and Turnbow have earned matching his and hers 7.50 ERA’s. Also Suppan, Sheets and Capuano have miserable statistics as well. I just hope they all get their shit together because it could be a long fucking April otherwise.

I leave you with these…

But I thought it was only an 8 second sermon?!?!