What about Blog?

6 September, 2008

Yes it’s been a long long time since I last posted anything and even longer since I posted anything worth reading.  Yet the hits keep going up.  Geometrically.  So why am I posting anything at all?  And why haven’t I posted since a long time ago?  Why am I asking questions that no one (myself included) cares to answer, or even would like to hear the answer to?  On to Stuff.

Yet Another NFL Season Begins

Which can mean only one thing.  Everyone and Gregg Easterbrook’s mother will be predicting how each and every team will finish, which teams will make the playoffs, and who will win the game played between the worlds most expensive advertising spots.  Why should I be any different?  And when will I stop asking questions that…oh.  I already asked that one.

NFL Regular Season Predictions

Yes, I’ll do it like everyone else, division by division.  It may be the missionary position of NFL preseason naval gazing, but it’s tried and true, No?

AFC North

1st – Steelers – Yep, it’s been a rough baseball season in the Steel City this year, but at least the Steelers are the class of this division.  Of course that’s a little like not being a dead-beat dad: It’s a good thing, but everyone expects you to pay child support.  But seriously, this is the only team here that has both an offense and a defense.

2nd – Ravens – A second place finish is in line for Baltimore, who, like most years, has a good defense and a starting quarterback most teams would want for their practice squad (most teams not including Kansas City).  After week 6 (@ Indy) the Baltimore press could be demanding to see Troy Smith or even Todd Bouman.

3rd – Bengals – Here we find the Cinncinnati Bengals in their natural habitat: 4 games out of the division lead.  On the upside of this offseason, there was a decided downtick in the number of incidents of player retardation for the best team in Ohio, although there’s plenty of downside to their offseason as well.  Should I start with Chad Johnson’s torn labrum (HOF Class of 20??) or the failure to improve what was possibly the worst defense of the last two decades?(Click here for the frontrunner in the most overly optimistic sports article of 2008)

4th – Browns –  Q: So Derrick, You took quite a hit in today’s game, tell us what was going through your head as you lay almost motionless on the ground.  A: Grbbhh shbuldognobkee.   It’ll be like watching Trent Green after his first concussion and before his second concussion.  Cleveland fans should not expect Anderson to play all 16 games this season, and the same will probably hold true for Jamal Lewis.  They couldn’t win a game all pre-season and that doesn’t bode well for a team who will likely be relying on backups at QB and RB to start 4-8 games for them this year.

AFC South

1st – Jaguars – An efficient offense led by a QB who seems to improve in almost every game, a running game that can chew up almost any defense in the league and a defense that gets after it.  The Jags were one of the best teams in the entirety of the NFL last year, and they should be again this year.

2nd – Colts – An undersized defensive front and last year’s injury problems for Bob Sanders make me reluctant to bet on the Colts when they’re playing the Jags.  A great offense will win you double digit games, but at the end of the day when your entire defensive front is under 300 lbs I don’t have confidence that they can beat the Jaguars up front, particularly in the running game.  Also, the injury last season to Marvin Harrison and the already bruised (yet expected to make a week 1 start) Peyton Manning means that the Colts will have to have a year far exceeding my expectations to win this division.

3rd – Titans – Jeff Fischer’s mustache has been sapped of its strength.  After years and years of bouying Eddie George and Steve McNair to heights of greatness it can longer keep his team atop its division.  GET THIS MAN SOME JUST FOR MEN!!  They could possibly finish 8-8, but that’s only good for third place in the AFC South.  Also, LenDale White’s head has a funny shape.  He looks like a retarded version of Aires Spears from MadTV.

4th – Texans – What to say about a Texans team who reached for the stars last season and came up 8-8?  They’ve promised a running back by committee this season, and that may be a smart idea, because Ahman Greens knee is a little like the fat guy in the prison scene in Dark Knight where an implanted IED explodes, spraying gristle and blood everywhere.  Chris Taylor’s agent is up in a luxury box somewhere with a cell phone just waiting to make that call.  what else, what else….Oh, a QB who can’t stay healthy, a #1 WR who can’t stay healthy, and a defense that isn’t healthy for people with heart conditions to watch.  Yeah, the Texans are your fourth place finisher in the South.

AFC East

1st – Patriots – I shouldn’t have to explain this one.  last year rule #1 of the 2007 NFL Season was to always bet on the Patriots, and it came through 18 out of 19 times.  The only team to improve in the division was the Jets, so expect the Patriots to win the division again.  Why?  Because they cheat, thats why.  Always bet on the cheaters.  i. (alleged) e. – Barry Bonds.  But seriously, they are the most talented team, the best coached team, and I see no reason not to expect another division title for the Pats.

2nd – Jets – No question that Favre makes the Jets wildcard playoff contenders, although they still have a slim to none chance of winning the division.  The second best offense and defense in the division will be wearing green and white, although all that can change in a heartbeat.  See Joe Theismann under career ending injury.  I sincerely want the best for Brett Favre, but there’s this sinking feeling in my gut that says this is the year he fucked-up beyond repair.  Barring that Thomas Jones should be able to rush for good yards, allowing Favre to throw for good yards, plus the Jets can get to 4 wins just by playing the Bills and the Dolphins.

3rd – Bills – The Rodney Dangerfield of the division, they get no respect.  Probably because they don’t deserve it.  Losman?  please.  I know you guys didn’t have much talent, but to waste all of last year on that guy and then to turn around and go with Trent Edwards this year is a lot like dating an ugly girl to meet her hot friend when you could have just asked out the good looking girl and told fatty to diet better.  Not that I would ever condone such cruelty, but LAY OFF THE MARGARINE YOU COW!  Also McGahee’s knee was tore up worse than AA meeting at a brewery when he got drafted and Buffalo was smart to move on last year, but look where that leaves you now (you could have drafted Larry Johnson.).  I don’t mean to say that Marshawn Lynch can’t ball, just that at this point he’s all they got going.

4th – Dolphins – ugh.  This teams like a bad dream where you have to move a piano in but you have no where to put it, and then, in the same dream, you ‘remember seeing a movie’ with all these great actors in it, but then you wake up and can’t find a trace of it on imdb despite 2 hours of looking.  That’s right, the 2008 Dolphins are a waste of time.

AFC West

1st – Chargers – Is it wrong of me to watch every Charger game that’s on in Wisconsin with the hope Phillip Rivers will suffer career-ending AIDS?  It’s probably only mildly bad karma.  Despite my distaste for Phillip Rivers and Norv Turner and despite the fact that Shawn Merriman wants to play on one good knee I can’t help but pick San Diego to be both a division winner and a first round playoff loser.  As for Merriman, he’ll be fine.  Slap a heavy duty brace on that knee to keep him from hyperextending or getting lateral movement in that knee and he’ll be able to perform.  My brother got hit by a van in high school, lost his PCL (the PCL is the ligament that runs behind the ACL at the opposite angle) and partially tore his ACL.  Somehow he still managed to be an all state football player, playing both ways in the state shrine bowl.  The secret?  A gigantic fucking brace and incredible leg strength, both of which Shawn Merriman has, thanks to state of the art medical care and giant syringes of steroids. DISREGARD THAT, I SUCK COCKS.

2nd – Broncos – Shannahan’s run game will keep the Broncos out of abject awfulness and elevate them to a level of mediocrity not seen since Gerald Ford was in the White House.  They’ve consistently failed against good offenses over the last 4 or 5 years and San Diego’s just too good for Denver to finish first.

3rd – Raiders – Watching Oakland is going to be awful, but not that awful, much like having to watch Its A Wonderful Life with your 92 year old racist step grandma.  You don’t really like her or the movie, but there’s a good chance she’ll either break out in a Klan song (resulting in OMFG, I am awful for laughing at this) or die of a heart attack (resulting in party).  Either way you slice it, you still have to suffer through It’s A Wonderful Life for the 28th consecutive year.  I’d rather watch A Christmas Story.

4th – Chiefs – Mostly awful, with a chance of 0-16.  Seriously, Brodie Croyle?  Is this some kind of joke?  Tony Gonzalez is wasted here.

NFC East

1st –  Cowboys – Most talent on both sides of the ball in the East, and hands down the NFC’s runaway favorite in off-field-distractions turning into early playoff exit.

2nd -Giants -Sure they’re the returning Super Bowl champs, but they’re missing half of the d-line that got them there.  Also, they were the wild card last year, and that’s a more likely outcome then winning their division this year too.  Also, Fuck The Giants.

3rd – Skins – Campbell, Portis and Taylor can play, but I’m not so sure about everyone else.  Also the Redskins are owned by an asshole, and Joe Gibbs was an asshole.

4th – Eagles – Is this Donovan McNabbs last year as an Eagle?  Probably.  No wide recievers and malcontents on defense will make this a rocky year in Philly.  Opposing defenses will key on Westbrook and Philly fans will have plenty to boo about, which is they really need to be happy anyway.  Just ask Santa.

NFC West

1st – Seahawks – Someone has to win this division right?  Hassellback and the three headed monster of Morris, Julius Jones and TJ Duckett (which happens to be the BEST running back depth in the league.) ensure that Mike Holmgren has the offense to reach the Big Game.The question is the defense, but in the division the defense won’t be questionable.  Seattle runs away with this one, division winners yes, Super Bowl bound?  Well, that all depends.

2nd – Rams – The 08 rams are a lot like the late 90’s Rams, only mediocre.  MVP Kurt Warner or Marc Bulger?  Steven Jackson or Marshall Faulk in his prime?  Tory Holt, Drew Bennett and Dante Hall or Bruce, Holt, and Hakim?  This team is just a cheap imitation of the Greastest Show on Turf, and the only question that’s close is Faulk vs. Jackson.  A more tangible threat to steal the division from the Seahawks than Zona or San Fran.

3rd – 49ers – JT O’Sullivan? whut?  Oh, he’s Martz’s guy?  Wait, Martz is O-coor?  The Niners are good to win 6-7 games, which will do for 3rd.

4th – Cardinals – What can you really say about the last 50 years of Arizona Cardinals football?  The clubs official website proudly claims that the new era of Cardinal football began in 2000 (stadium initiative) when there’s  only been one Cardinal playoff appearence (1998) since the teams move to Arizona (1988).  I can’t be the guy who just picks the Cards to finish strong on the subconcious grounds that “they’re due!”   Kurt Warner starring as the quarterback past his prime and Anquan Boldin starring as this years Narcissistic Asshole Wide Receiver, the Arizona Cardinals are the NFL’s Disaster Movie.  In every sense of the pun.

NFC South

1st Bucs – Why?  Because I’m a Jeff Garcia mark is why.  Also their running back situation is the 2nd best in the NFC and arguably the NFL.  Oh, and their Linebacking core are studs, factor in 2 good (not great, but possible Pro-Bowl candidates) corner backs and a d-line with potential and you have the NFC South Champs.

2nd – Saints – I know that Drew Breese is very good, but DM already came back from knee sugery to rush for 1000 yds once already in his career, and I’m not sure he’s going to be able to do it twice.  Also since being called the best thing since sliced bread Reggie Bush [2nd overall in ’06] has been reduced to the level of mere mortal (see Joseph Addai [30th pick in 2006] Pro Bowl selection)?    So why is Breese so good?  because of his receivers .  Jeremy Shockey hopefully makes this even easier for a QB who thrives on the quick throw. A possible wild cardteam, only a weak secondary keeps the Saints out of 1st.

3rd – Panthers – They just let me down.  Great job getting to super bowl a few years ago, but what have you done lately?  Is Jake Dehlomme as good as I remember people thought he was or is he just such an improvement over David Carr that the line between slightly-above-average and superstar gets blurred?  I know, again with the questions, but there really are a lot with this team.  Questions like, “What kind of running back situation is going here?” and “Who the fuck spells it Ryne??” and “What the hell was wrong with Julius Peppers?” and so forth.

4th – Falcons – just when you thought Atlanta could win… What’s the magic number where you take the under on the season wins for these guys? 3? 4? 5?

NFC North

1st – Green Bay – Now why in the world would I pick the Packers to win the division?  Better question, are there any non-homer reasons that I can give you that will be universally acceptable?  Sure, he’s not Brett Favre, but Aaron Rodgers is still the best qb in the North, and in my humble opinion they have the best defense  in the division too.  Also they have probably the best running game as well.  I’m not going to predict more Packers wins than the rest of the division combined, but if you gave me 4:1 on it I’d lay some money down.  Now there’s going to be the question of whether or not the Favre deal was the right thing to do.  It’s going to be there all this season and next season as well, there’s simply no getting around it.  As for my opinion, you can’t quit a job and then expect to be rehired because you really really want/need to be, no matter your level of talent.  That’s the bottom line for me.  There were months and months of offseason that Brett could have retired/not-retired, but he did the stupid thing and hung em up almost immediately after the season ended.  Factor in the worlds worst sports agent and we have the media cluster fuck that was it’s own section on the ESPN ticker.  I’m over it, I got my Jets Favre jersey ordered, and I’m gonna root for Aaron Rodgers to have a great season, not to validate any decisions made by anybody associated with the Packers, but because I’m not only a Packers stockholder, I’m a fan as well.

2nd – Minnesota – Someone has to finish 2nd and they have Adrian Peterson, who presents the only true big-play threat at RB in the NFC North.  But he’s not enough to pull a playoff appearence out of Childress’s ass.  Tavaris Jackson is a joke, and their defense is over-hyped.  Sure, their numbers looked good last year, but when you get Chicago twice a year it lowers your per-game averages.  Factor in two games against Detroits withered dead arm of a running game and you can lower your Rush yards Allowed per game by 20-30.  Beyond all that, the Vikings are the only other North team that will be relatively competitive this season.

3rd – Chicago – No QB and no RB make Chi-Town homers go crazy.  At least they finally did the right thing and went with Kyle Orton.  Too bad that the running game is still in the shitter and none of their wide recievers can catch the ball consistently.  The defense will be well above average, but it won’t matter too much because the offense is only good for about 10 points a game  (5 wins)

4th – Detroit – Matt Millen continues his quest to make his mark as worlds worst Front-Office man in the history of football an unbreakable record.  How could he possibly do that you ask?  By firing the guy who made the Lion’s offense something for opposing d-coordinaters to actually worry about.  If your draft strategy is to consistently draft WRs first than Mike Martz is the ONLY choice for offensive coordinator.  And Millen fired him.  A Martzless Kitna is no good, and the Detroit Lions will flounder, and it’s not out of the realm of possibility that the defense and special teams could outscore the offense.  At the very least Detroit will kick more field goals than they score touchdowns.  Q:  Barack Obama or Matt Millen; Who gets assassinated first?


NFC Wild Cards?  we’ll go with…Giants and Saints.

AFC Wild Cards?  How about the Colts and the Jets.

Super Bowl Prediction?  Why not?  How about Jaguars 35 – Packers 24?

but I’m getting ahead of myself, how about some week one picks vs the DVOA?  Or how about just my picks and I’ll do the DVOA projection predictions during the games on Sunday?

The Monkey Picks Week One!!

Detroit @ Atlanta – Someone has to win, how about some false hope for the Lions DETROIT by 3.\

Cincy @ Baltimore – Fuck Joe Flacco, BENGALS by 10.

Seattle @ Buffalo – SEAHAWKS by 17.

KC @ NE – Rule #1 of the 2008 NFL Season is never pick KC to win.  NE by 21.

St. Louis @ Philly – Take the home team, EAGLES by 3.

Jacksonville @ Titans – Jags all day baby, JACKSONVILLE by 7.

Houston @ Pittsburgh – STEELERS by 12.

Tampa @ NO – Garcia throws 3 TDs, BUCS by 3.

NYJ @ Miami – Ummm, JETS by 14.

Dallas @ Cleveland – COWBOYS by 6.

Arizona @ San Francisco – Frank Gore all day, 49ERS by 4.

Carolina @ San Diego – CHARGERS BIG.

Chicago @ Indy – No Brainer, COLTS by 7.


Sobering Up: A Two Week Bender

24 March, 2008

Jesus, I almost forgot that I used to do this every day. I guess getting into peak shape for St. Patrick’s day took it’s toll. But I really can’t blame the layoff on alcohol alone. Booze isn’t the only thing I’ve been binging on these past two weeks. I have viewed over 65 hours of TV as well. I burned through seasons 3 through 5 of the Wire, seasons 5 and 6 of the Shield, kept up with all the current television shows I’m watching, and still managed to work full time. Poor clock management you say? Just call me Joe Gibbs.

So whats to talk about? The Badgers having the easiest road to the Elite 8 of any team still alive? Half my predictions about the Brewer’s opening day roster going south? My complete lack of interest in the NBA playoffs? My bracket being in tatters after Georgetown and Duke and Marquette and Georgia depart the Tourney early? Seems like a good start…

Wisconsin and the (not so) Stacked Bracket

*following paragraph will contain blatant homerism* Tell me honestly that the Midwest bracket didn’t seem a little strange to you too. First I was upset at the Badgers 3 seed. Ranked in the top 6 in both polls and they get a three? RPI??!? What the fuck is that?? So I got over the fact that UW had played against a weak Big Ten, and that maybe a three seed was justified. However as soon as I saw a potential 2nd round matchup against USC I had to check which region the Badgers were seeded in. Until Sunday I had no idea that California had been annexed by the Midwest. It made less sense than UConn being seeded in the West. I had a sleepless night worrying about OJ Mayo and other what if scenarios. But then USC lost. So everything is good right? Except now Georgetown is a possible matchup in the Sweet Sixteen. Isn’t Georgetown on the….never mind. I had even more tossing and turning in front of my TV before Georgetown lost to Davidson. And now? I’m worried about Kansas. *end of blatant homerism*

So here I am, tickled pink at the prospects of an Elite 8 appearence by my alma mater, not even caring that I only picked 9 of 16 teams still left. My bracket may be shredded by any account, but my hopes are still high. I may not win the pool, but….Shit, I’m not going to win the pool. So what’s left to write about if the blatant homerism was supposed to end with my previous paragraph? Fake awards? I suppose I could do that.

Most Likely to Succeed: North Carolina. Top seed in the tournament gets to play a team from the opposite coast for a chance to advance? Are you kidding me? I won’t punch a ticket to the Final Four for them yet, but

Most Likely to Disappoint: Xavier. How these guys snagged a three seed is beyond me. They play in a conference with Rhode Island for Christ’s sake. Bad news for the Musketeers as West Virginia rolls in after upsetting 2 seed Duke.

Least Likely to Cover: UCLA. 51 points? That’s it? Well, see you next year….You Won? You only scored 51 points and you won? How did that happen? And you call yourselves a 1 seed. The only way the Bruins cover is a ridiculously low spread and maybe not even then.

Most Likely Cinderella:(tied) Western Kentucky and West Virginia. My honest assessment at this stage is that a Cinderella Final Four appearence is most likely to happen in the West. The number 2 seed gets bounced early by West Virginia and the number 4 and 5 seeds are out after the first round and the number 1 put up only 51 points against the 9 seed. Maybe I’m wrong to have no faith in either UCLA or Xavier, but my bet is on a low seeded Final Four berth coming out of the West.

Class Clown: Villanova. No seniors on the roster and your next opponent is Kansas? Yes, Villanova, you are officially the most likely to look silly.


I wish it were Spring in the world.

So completely wrong was I, about Vinny Rottino. I had hopes so high for an 8 man bullpen, but it was not to be. The Brewers designated Rottino for assignment a few days ago, meaning that Eric Munson should be the frontrunner to back up Jason Kendall. Also I spoke ill of Tony Gwynn Jr, only to see him hit .405 thus far. I believe that I wanted Gabe Gross to start in right and see Corey Hart in center. I don’t feel all that badly about it as Gross has 4 HRs in Spring Training (and more total bases than Jr.) and Gwynns been caught stealin 3/7 attempts. But I’m just looking for anything that would vindicate me at this point.

As for the Brewers pitching, it hasn’t been particularly pretty, as Gagne and Turnbow have earned matching his and hers 7.50 ERA’s. Also Suppan, Sheets and Capuano have miserable statistics as well. I just hope they all get their shit together because it could be a long fucking April otherwise.

I leave you with these…

But I thought it was only an 8 second sermon?!?!

It was my birthday and I’ll blog if I want to…

9 February, 2008

I rocked hard yesterday. I don’t know if any of you have ever seen a band consisting of two bass guitars, drums and keyboards, but after hearing them last night I can no longer hear much of anything. Also these guys were good too… But enough of you don’t care….

Things to do today: (1) Write some things about something. (2) Find new pictures to upload so that removed pictures don’t show up like this [ura dumass] (3) Listen to the Badger game because ESPN won’t air it (meanwhile ESPN2 is airing Drag Racing and Bull Riding), and neither will FSN (in favor of the Bucks vs Knicks crapfest)

Attention!! Pau Gasol is Good at Basketball!!

Did you know? Is this new information to you? Did anyone tell the Grizzlies this? Well, the Lakers had it figured out. Gasol is LA’s newer, whiter version of Shaq and since Shaq is now Phoenix’s older slower version of Charles Barkley I’m not sure what any of this actually means. Pau dropped 30 points on the Magic last night, and I can’t help but wonder, “Did his parents mean to name him Paul, but then just forgot to write the ‘l’ down on his birth certificate?” But enough of this nonsense…


Rogers’ Personal Trainer Gave it to Debbie in Da Butt!!!

HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHA!!!!! How funny would it be if it turned out there was nothing in the syringes but saline and this whole thing was the result of some strange fetish involving other people giving you injections in your ass? I would laugh if that came out. I laughed when I saw this headline…athough I thought ESPN could have sensationalized it a little more. This is a lot like a 1,000 car backup on the interstate. This story is the jack-knifed semi that flips over, causing everyone involved to say nasty things before eventually running out of gas and catching a ride somewhere else with a snowmobiler, thus finally agreeing to listen to one’s wife when she says “we shouldn’t be driving in this blizzard!”


No Butt-Rape for This Drug Dealer!!

Are you serious? Only 5 years probation for Kurt Radomski? Here’s the best part of the story…”Federal investigators believe the checks, totaling more than $30,000, were for the purchase of performance-enhancing drugs.” Alright, so how much was the fine that he had to pay? “Radomski was slapped with a fine of $18,575…” WHAT?? He got to keep $11,000? That’s fucking crazy. I wonder what this would have turned out like if Radomski was black….

But despite my rant, I’ll say it again….I DON’T CARE IF ATHLETES TOOK STEROIDS!


Kevin Gullikson will finally be 21 on Feb. 26!!!

I think that it might be funny to throw him a birthday party. With lots of beer. Because soon he’ll be legal, but likely unable to drink due to his participation in an alcohol treatment program. Although he was involved in that since his 2nd citation and he’s now on his third, so… I guess I’m just waiting to see if Kevin can manage a 4th offence before the 26th. 15 more days to go. Also Joe Krabbenhoft will be 21 on March 24. We (and by we, I mean me.) should actually throw him a party, because something tells me Joe would be a fun drunk.


Brewers’ Pay $2.6 million for Bush!!

I know, I know, a cheap prostitution joke made at the expense of a man unfortunate enough to ahre our President’s last name If I were Dave Bush I would spell it B-U-S-C-H and then tell people I was an hier to the beer fortune. I would do that because sometimes I feel compelled to lie. But Dave got his $$$$ and now the only guy left to work a deal out for is JJ Hardy. Good news for the Brewers who appear to have the deepest selection of starting pitchers in the NL Central. With Bush, Vargas, Parra, Villanuevo and Capuano vying for the last two spots in the starting rotation it appears that long relief won’t be a problem for the Crew this year.


Curt Schilling’s arm is Made of Spaghetti!!!

Or maybe it’s linguine. I don’t know and neither do the doctors. At least now I know that Curt is only in it for the money. If your shoulder was shredded would you want to fix it and maybe risk losing your contract or just hope your arm won’t fall off on the diamond for 8 million dollars? Personally I don’t see the value of 8 million dollars if your right arm won’t work anymore. Ask Bob Dole what its like. Why not pull a Keith Foulke? Because of the money? Who are you, Roger Clemens? I’m putting the over/under on the number of days Schilling will spend on the DL at 66.


Orioles Trade Bedard, Cement Status as Horseshit Town!!

The Orioles are obviously not worried about competing against the Nationals for fans. Apparently they also aren’t worried about competing in this coming season. Peter Angelos is officially the real-life version of Rachel Phelps in Major League. This trade fits right in with the Oriole team concept…

Peter Angelos

Rachel Phelps




UW vs IU: Throwdown in Madtown (1st half)

31 January, 2008

8:00 – A few minutes to tipoff, I’m set, laptop is charged, TV is on the correct channel, drinks and food are in place, and the #11 Hoosiers and the #13 Badgers are about to tip off. Fantastic.

8:03 – It’s Spirit Week!! Which can mean only one thing. The Musberger. Talking about the” meat part of the hand.”

8:07 – Indiana wins the tip, gets a quick 2. Badgers get it back, 2-2.

8:08 – Badgers get a stop, then Indiana gets a stop. 3 consecutive misses now…Make it UW 4 – IU 2.

8:09 – Badgers get another stop. They’re playing good D and getting to the hoop. Marcus Landry just made an aggressive move, 3 point play opportunity. Badgers now up by 5 with 17:15 left in 1st half.

8:11 – Michael Flowers has a breakaway layup blocked, Indian gets two on the turnover. Traveling on Indiana, and cut to commercial. Nice effort by Wisconsin, although if Flowers had hustled harder or gone for the dunk the UW lead would be larger. Indiana is really going to have to hustle for 40 minutes tonight.

8:13 – Another missed layup by WI, and a nice J by IU makes it 7-6. Trevon Hughes hits a 3, 10-6 UW. Indiana is trying to get dribble penetration, then throws up a bad 3. Krabbenhoft follows on the break and gets two on a putback. Make it a 6 point lead for the Badgers.

8:14 – 14 minutes left in the first half. Indiana gets called for an offensive foul. The Hoosiers are looking frustrated. Some substitutions, and UW works the swing offense. A bad jumper but Stiemsma gets a putback with the shot clock expiring. IU misses another bunny. And another one. 14 – 6 Badgers with 12 minutes left now.

8:21 – ESPN keeps cutting to commercial before the Musberger is done talking. This time they cut him off as he was about to tell us how long IU’s scoring drought was. I know that ESPN wants to run promos for Student Spirit Week, but I would like to here what Brent has to say.

8:23 – Steal by Wisconsin. Bohannon lays in in, Badgers by 10, and I finally find out that it is a 6 minute scoring drought. DJ White will now attempt to end it with a couple free throws. Brian Butch comes in after White hits the 1st. He hits the 2nd. 8 point game with 11 minutes left in the half. 6 point game on a break putback for IU. Badgers better get out of cruise control.

8:26 – Butch can’t get a call tonight. (like a fatty on prom night)

8:28 – There seems to be no reward for playing good D tonight. 18-12 Wisconsin.erin andrews

8:29 – 8:18 left in the 1st. The Mus tells me that IU has more turnovers than field goals. Butch just hit a 3. 21 -12 UW, and IU turns it over on the inbounds pass.

8:33 – Erin Andrews…Would you hit it?

8:34 – Marcus Landry in Horace Grants Rec Specs contests the dump down pass, Ball goes out to WI. Now Trevon Hughes will shoot from the stripe. Hits them.

8:36 – IU has 12 points with 6 minutes left. No one can hit anything. There hasn’t been a made FG for a few minutes now. Cancel that, nice ball movement by UW to beat that 2-3 zone. 25 -12 UW, and IU will shoot some free throws.

8:40 – DJ White dunks on a putback. Then UW throws it away on an inside pass. IU cant hit a jump shot tonight. 3:26 left in the 1st, IU 15 – WI 25

8:43 – IU gets a three, now WI and IU decide to pick the tempo up, but don’t make any shots. 2:15 left and Wisconsin is shooting bonus fts. 27 -18 Wisconsin. UW gets another rebound, and now another non-shooting foul will get UW free throws. An awkward runner gets IU’s Gordon 2. Less than a minute now, and someone is going to have to pick up all these bricks at halftime. DJ White picks up his 3rd foul. 4 second difference in game and shot clock. Flowers puts back a Bohannon 3, and Wisconsin goes into the locker room up 30 -20.

I think I need to vent…

10 January, 2008
I don’t know how to start, dwayne wadereally. Have you ever hated everyone you worked with? Maybe that’s a bit much, I hate most of the people I work with, I find them to be lazy, ugly, and stupid. I believe this is also how Dwayne Wade feels too. How would you feel after winning an NBA Championship your entire situation turn to shit in 2 years? Shaq is turning into a fat turd, most of his teammates are stupid and hot headed, and Pat Riley looks like an anorexic, 65 year old De Niro. The only thing that is any kind of positive in Miami is that they’re all living in Miami, home of all those South Beach nightclubs, Horatio Caine and Gloria Estefan. My problem is that I live about as far away from Miami as one can without being a Canadian citizen. Which puts me and Mo Williams in the same boat. After his performance in last nights game against the Heat I must sincerely apologize for questioning his manhood. Mo’s having a good January, now averaging 22 ppg. I am just struggling with the idea that the Bucks look fantastic on paper, but are 14-20 in reality. I’m almost glad that FSN is showing more Wild games than Bucks games. As bad as things are for fans of Miami sports, just remember that Milwaukee hasn’t had championship caliber teams since the days of Hank Aaron and Lew Alcindor. Forgive me my vitriol….
But I still have more to say. Namely, good job San Francisco for signing Mike Martz. Also, on the same topic, bad job to Detroit for firing Mike. I know, youse guys wanted to run the ball more, but did it ever occur to you that Kevin Jones is mediocre at best? Do you really want to give HIM 25+ touches a game? I didn’t think so. Frank Gore may not get 25+ carries a game, but he’ll probably get 25+ touches. Also, since I’m now thinking NFL, parcellsBAD MIAMI, BAD BAD BAD. and to ESPN: Why are you so happy to see the Tuna running the Dolphins? I give it two years before he gets bored and bails, just like he did in Dallas. Here’s a bet I wish I could make: Parcells either (a) Retires before his contract with Miami is up OR (b) Has a Massive Heart Attack before his contract expires. Is there going to be a palpable difference between this experiment and Washington’s dalliance with Joe Gibbs? I think no. And might I add, how Fucked is Atlanta? I guess that I would feel bad for Arthur Blank, but since he made his fortune with Home Depot, I really can’t. How can you feel bad for a guy who’s a part of all of this…..Is it ironic that his business doesn’t employ union labor, but his football team does? Oh, and by the way, why on earth would Pete Carroll want to coach your team? He’s a kingpin on the west-coast, and he doesn’t have to live in Georgia. However, in an alternate universe somewhere, Pete Carroll takes the job, Reggie Bush taking $$$ costs USC scholarships and Rick Neuheisel is creaming in his pants. But this is the real world, where colleges make stupid decisions about coaches, and schedules, and coaches make stupid decisions about jobs and recruits, and Recruits make stupid decisions about education and entertainment. Maybe it’s just because the Badgers lost their bowl game, but I hate all things college football right now, and probably will until spring practices. Or Spring Training, which I’m also not to high on, being a Brewers fan. Thanks to Doug Melvin for giving Gag-me $10 million. You only had to wait a week to learn that he had his success when he was a juicer and hasn’t done crap since. And Jason Kendall? $11.5 million for a guy who’s only marginally better than Johnny Estrada? You know that I can blow 4 run leads and strike out for a fraction of what you’re now paying these douchebags, right? At least the writer’s strike should be done by the time the baseball season starts, because I am really going to need something to change the channel to,badger bench otherwise I WILL break my TV when Gagne blows game after game, until he and his 10 mil salary get designated for assignment. About the only thing I’m looking forward to this spring is March Madness. Can I pose a question? Of course I can, because this is my blog…Does Wisconsin have the biggest collection of goofy looking white guys in Division I?  As bad as the Bucks may be, and as upset as I am with the Brewers offseason, I can still look forward to the Packers in the playoffs, perhaps another year of Favre and an NCAA tourney appearance by my hometown team.

Search Term of the Year

26 December, 2007

There have been many search terms that folks have used to stumble upon this not-so-fine site, and since it’s after Christmas, I have decided to name the 2007 Homer and The Transplants search term of the year…(drumroll please…)

how long does herpes take to go away


There have been many herpes related searches that have lead here, such as ‘groin herpes’, ‘sack herpes’,  ‘herpes pussy’ ,’herpes on the hand’,  ‘herpes,asshole’, ‘herpes testicle’, and ‘herpes of the hair’.  The difference between those and how long does herpes take to go away is the stupidity factor.  To the moron who googled how long does herpes take to go away I say this only once:  HERPES NEVER GOES AWAY.  EVER.  Don’t believe me?  Try this link out for some actual information on your newly acquired life-time friend.  Since this site is obstensibly about sports, here are some athletes that may or may not have herpes….Michael Vick, Morris Peterson, Vernon Maxwell, Cliff Robinson, Dennis Rodman, Juwan Howard, and Derek Jeter.  And one again, herpes never goes away.  Ever.

How did I get this off topic?

8 November, 2007

As I mull the week 10 NFL schedule, decide which NBA game to listen to tonight, browse through ESPN, Football Outsiders, FoxSports, the UK Guardian, deadspin, process library, imdb, Yahoo! Fantasy sports, and uhhh, what was I doing?   I’ll tell you what I was doing, skipping the 1500 word section of TMQ about sub-prime mortgages.  Jesus, Easterbrook, I just woke up.  Personally I take more offense to Gregg wasting the 2.5 seconds it took for me to realize he was wasting my time than to the whole Chris Henry “Here’s a five bitch, now shut yer mouf bout my truck punk!”thing.   And I work in the service industry, so I should be pissed.   It’s hard to be pissed when you just found out that Brad Lidge is leaving the NL Central in exchange for three guys I’ve never heard about.  Philadelphia will need someone new to Boo after football season is over with.  Also on the positive side of things, this guy is almost done trying to ruin baseball.  How about politicians balance the f@#$ing budget, fund stem cell research, end the Iraq war, and maybe impeach W, and THEN worry about baseball players using steroids?  While congressmen are wasting time with steroids, This is happening right under their noses.