Mourning in Madison

My workday began with high hopes, and a frenzied pitch. UW was playing a 10 seed for a chance to advance, the good people of Madison were franticly ordering food and all was well for a while. But then the unthinkable happened. The Badgers couldn’t buy a bucket and the defense? Oh god, the defense. Wisconsin surrendered the tie at the start of the second half, and Bo Ryan was all like….

Stop Fucking Around

But the Badgers didn’t stop fucking around. At times it felt like Davidson had snuck one of those training rims onto Wisconsin’s hoop. You know, the ones that make you shoot the ball on the perfect arc otherwise the ball bounces out? Well it wasn’t long until Davidson opened up a double digit lead, and the orders slowed down. It was going to be a busy night, but the worse the game got, the less business came in. Coincidence? You decide.

Anyway, I kept thinking: This is the possession where Wisconsin gets back in it. Spoiler Alert for those who didn’t catch the game: They never got closer than 3 points. With about 5 minutes left in the game Bo Ryan as well as everyone in the greater Madison area was all…

Well, Fuck.

Davidson would maintain their lead and as I returned to the store shortly after the game had ended I found the board blank and the phones silent. It was as if the life had been sucked out of Dane county. My co-workers all had these blank looks of shock but after a few minutes everyone was all like…

Fuck. Yup.

For a while all was still and quiet. But then slowly, surely, the phone rang again, and the deliveries came in. And that was when the strangest thing happened. I noticed that all the bars were overflowing out onto the sidewalks. Everyone was getting drunk! Before long it was as if everyone had decided: Fuck it. It’s Friday night, lets get plowed. And Plowed they got, until it no longer mattered that the home team had been blown out by some tiny school from North Carolina. They drank until it no longer mattered how ugly she was. They drank until they ordered food and then fell asleep long before it arrived, Because that’s how we mourn in Madison.

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