A Flat Tire and Dirty Hands

I caught a flat tonight. I don’t know if the tire got punctured, but I am so happy that I learned how to do change a tire when I was 12, because if all I had to rely on were these assholes I would be in serious trouble. “Lug nut remover.”? Are you serious?

Here’s what happens when you rely on youtube to learn how to change a tire…

And this is what you get for stopping to help…

But anyway, My fucking spare was flat. I suppose that its my fault, but still, of all the shit things to happen… Long story short, I got the spare on and inflated, but it was the last thing I needed at three in the morning. So how does this relate to sports? A better question is how can I force a metaphor out of this? Well, simple…

The LA Clippers are like my car.

I had a flat tire, They have Elton Brand (whose torn Achilles is essentially a flat tire)

I have a spare, which happens to be flat. They have Tim Thomas, who plays flat.

I wasted about an hour to get the tire changed, then getting to a gas station to buy some tire in a can so that I could drive back to the station to finish filling my tire with air so that I could drive home. The Clippers have tried to replace Elton’s minutes with Tim Thomas minutes and its worked out to be about the same waste of time. Its worked out to 13-28 to be exact.

So What’s the moral of all this? Lets go back to the days when you were studying for the ACTs/SATs…

Your car:Keeping your spare inflated::Your team:Keeping the roster deep

When (not if, when) injuries happen in professional sports, the only thing to do is slap on the spare and keep on truckin’. Making sure that the spare is functional isn’t something that most people think about until they catch a flat, but when (not if, when) it happens its all you can think about. Not every team is saavy enough to make sure that the replacement process will go smoothly, so here’s the other side to this analogy…

Your car:Not keeping your spare inflated::Your team:Has a bad GM
You can even customize this 2nd analogy to apply to every major sport. Observe…

Your car:Not keeping your spare inflated::Atlanta Falcons:Joey Harrington

Your car:Not keeping your spare inflated::NY Yankees:Pitching Staff

Your car:Not keeping your spare inflated::NY Knicks:Isiah Thomas

Classroom suggestion: Stop the lesson and encourage students to form their own analogies!

Lesson Learned. You get bitten in the ass when you don’t have a plan B.

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