The Sparano’s – Episode 1 – Tony buys a Boat

The Sparanos
Bill “Cousin Billy” Parcells (Cousin Billy dials the phone) – Eh, Tony. We gotta talk. It was Cam.
Tony Sparano – You sure?

Bill “Cousin Billy” Parcells – He’s our problem, has been the whole fuckin’ time.

(cut to Cam “Big Pussy” Cameron’s front door)

Bill “Cousin Billy” ParcellsTony Sparano – (ding-dong, door opens) – Cmon, Who wants to go buy a boat!!

Cam “Big Pussy” Cameron-What are you guys doing here? I’ve been puking and crapping all day, I don’t know if I wanna go out.

Tony Sparano-C’mon, the owners got a couple offers, I gotta decide today, so lets go Puss.

(Big Puss complains, but gets in the car with Cousin Billy and Tony. Jeff “lil Jeffree” Ireland is driving)

Lil Jeffy Ireland – Alright, we’re on our way. You gotta see this Sea Ray, Puss, its a primo craft that uh, you know…

Bill “Cousin Billy” Parcells-Shut the fuck up and drive Jeffree.

(cut to the marina, the boys make small talk with Cam as they make way down the dock and board a gorgeous yacht. They motor away smoothly into the Atlantic)

Tony Sparano– Hey Puss, come below and check out this fuckin’ mohagany. The craftsmanship,Christ, bee-u-tifull.

Cam “Big Pussy” Cameron – (nervously) -It really is nice, Ton’, I wish I could aff-

(Tony and Cousin Billy shove Cam into a chair, Cam looks frightened, and Tony looks like he can smell that Cam has shit his pants.)

Bill “Cousin Billy” Parcells – We know it was you, shithead. You sold us out. How could you? What’d they have you on?

Cam “Big Pussy” Cameron – Who’s they, what the fuc—

(Tony slaps Cam across the face)

Tony Sparano – Shut the fuck up, Pussy! Don’t lie to me, I know all about you and the Patriots. I know that you gave em the tapes. Our playbook!?! You’re a dirty piece of shit, I just wanna know why you’d sell everyone out like that.

Cam “Big Pussy” Cameron– They they had pictures of me..(starts crying)…..

Tony Sparano – BE A MAN, PUSSY!

Cam “Big Pussy” Cameron – They had pictures of me … leaving an adult establishment..

Bill “Cousin Billy” Parcells – You sold us out over a titty joint?? You little bitch!

Cam “Big Pussy” Cameron – Not a titty joint, Billy, not a …… It was Goldfellas. I was so embarrassed Ton’, I didn’t know what to do…When Belichek sent me the photos….OH GOD, what have I done….I need a drink…You got any tequila on board?

(Cousin Billy pours Cam a drink)

Tony Sparano – Did you even try? (pulls out a 9mm.) I mean, Trent and then to Cleo, and then John and back to Cleo? Fucked up.

Cam “Big Pussy” Cameron Not in the face, OK? You give me that? I’m starting to feel sick, Jesus Christ….I need to sit down. Is that OK, Tony?

(Gunshots, then a *thump*)

Bill “Cousin Billy” Parcells – Lil Jeffree, get the weights. (dials cell phone) – It’s done.

Wayne “Junior” Huizenga – Good
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