pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseFUCK!: An Outback Bowl Blog

10:04 – Just got back from peeing. Oh god, I am so tired. Tennessee gets the ball first, backs themselves up and ends up with a 2nd and long. 3rd and long. Tennessee almost throws a pick. Badgers get ready for the punt.

10:07 – Badgers lose some on the return. Now I now what it’s like for West Coast football fans.13:00 left in the first, Zach Brown gets 8. Sack makes it 3rd + long.

10:10 – Paul Hubbard does good, it turns into bad, Tennessee recovers a fumble at their own 35.

10:13 – A few plays later, Tennessee has a first in the red zone. Vols to the 3. they keep turning the corner….Ten TD. by their backup. Fuckin A.

WI – 0 — TN – 7

10:18 – Thank god I got free food from work last night because I am hungry right now. Thank you amanda, for not picking up the food we made special for you at 4 in the morning.

10:20 – Jeff Smith does the Outback corporate sponser thing. The guy next to him looks like Dax Shepard in Employee of the Month.

10:21 – Huge return on the kickoff, Daaaaavvviidd Gillllllllreaaaathhh!!! add another 15 yards on a facemask. Zach Brown gets to the 20 (of Tennessee) When the fuck did Heath Schuler become a congressman? Oh, Lance Smith just got a first. I heard a lot of people pick the Vols, but made no mention that Smith’s road-game suspension is over, and he’s pretty good.

10:24 – Zach Brown to the 2….3rd and Goal. TD WI, unless this is the bad kind of flag. it is. 3rd and goal. again. Shit. Donovan gets a TD wtih a keeper play. Some guy named Eric Berry got a cheap shot in, helmet to helmet bullshit. One announcer calls it a great shot. What a fucking prick.

WI – 7 — TN – 7

10:31 – Read This to learn why I am non-plussed by Tennessee. Announcers talk about Tyler Donovan playing in WI’s HS \Championship with a torn-up knee ligament. Tennessee gets 6 on a pass, then 20+ on a run that gets around the corner. 6:40 left in the quarter.

10:36 – Play Action gets Tennessee into the red zone for the second time today. Wham Bam, What the Fuck Just Happened??? Nick Hayden recovers a fumble. Why were all the Tennessee players just standing straight up on the line? Nice job. Are you guys volunteer division one coaches? Squeeze in practice between running the car dealership and golf games?

10:40 – A couple runs by PJ Hill, brings up 3rd and 4. Juggled and caught for a first down. Tyler got smoked again. Tennessee likes to lead with the helmet.Chris Pressley

10:41 – PJ Hill gets 9, runs through a LB and over some DBs. Another carry gets WI a 1st to the 42. Announcers make the first reference to Lance Smith’s “incident”. I would have said Lance Smith’s “Violent argument with his girlfriend” Tennessee is officialy a bunch of pricks. Who shoves Chris Pressley in the back and lives to tell about it?

10:48 – Badgers Punt, Tennessee’s return gets buried, 15 seconds left in the 1st quarter, ball on about the 15 of TN. Offensive futility ensues, Tennessee gets nothing on two downs, and the First Quarter ends.

10:53 – Ugh. Tennessee gets 19, first down to the 30. BLUH! PS. Joe Montana was just on the field. WI stuffs a TN run, TN gets flagged for a crackback block. I knew they were cheaper than a drunk fuck with exact change for his pizza.

10:55 – TN ends up better than the original play when a linebacker covering a back falls over in the flat. GaH! Joe Montana is back on the field. I hate when people call Marino the best ever, because Joe Montana is the best ever. Ever.

10:57 – What’s more ironic than a black man who’s first name is pronounced Aryan?

10:59 – Tennessee with a 4th and 3, Gilreath on to return. WI fair catches at the 13, WI ball at the 11.

11:02 – 3rd and 8 for UW…12:01 left in the 2nd…complete for a first…uhoh, that’s a shitty spot…Wisconsin will punt maybe?

11:04 – Tennessee gets to the 50, completes a pass for 20 yards to the Wisconsin 30. Crap.

11:06 – 30 yard TD pass. I would curse, but I’m too sleepy.

WI – 7 — TN – 14

11:08 – Based on todays start time, I would gladly sign any west coast petition to start all football games one to two hours later. This is some ridiculous shit. Wisconsin will start at their 22. Tyler is hurt. I thought it was another helmet to helmet hit, and his knee buckled. Bring on #4, Allan Evridge.

11:16 – Wisconsin punts after I almost have a heart attack .

11:20 – Tennessee gets a first on a huge run after the catch, gets a TD on an even longer RAC.

WI – 7 — TN – 21

11:21 – Wisconsin almost blocked that extra point. The Badgers could really use some points here. PJ Hill gets next to nothing, again. 5:45 left in the half. Garret Grahm, TN gets flagged for roughing the Passer. It’s about fucking time.

11:25 – Donovan gets sacked. Again. 5 minutes left in the half. We FAKED the end around! that is so much better than the ACTUAL end around.

11:26 – PJ Hill gets 8 on a 3rd and 2. Wisconsin has a 1st on the TN 25. Badgers keep pounding. WI gets another 1st down inside the 10, 2 minutes left.

Andy Crooks


11:29 – PJ Hill inside the 5. 2nd and goal. Donovan passes…. TD Crooks!!!

WI – 14 — TN – 21

11:33 – Wisconsin blows up two plays. TN has a 4th down, with 21 seconds left in the half. More Wisconsin points would be awesome, especially this close to half. Not gonna happen, the punt rolls to the WI 12. WI takes a knee, HALFTIME.

11:52 – Still Halftime, but there are a couple of things I’d like to share…Wisconsin will get the ball first, and also my farts a really stinky today. Unfortunately there is no one here to give a dutch oven to…

12:01 – WI fields the kickoff, takes over at the 22, Zach Brown bangs it for about 7.

12:03 – Kyle Jefferson picks up a 1st down catch. Tyler throws his way again, had all day, but bounced it there. Time out Wisconsin…announcer, “Yes, lets continue to talk about Travis Beckum…”….You guys know he doesn’t have a catch today, right?Brett

12:06 – Donovan to the 46. Pass batted at the line, 4th and 4. If this was MY team I’d go for it. I am however not the coach. This guy is. –>

12:09 – Wisconsin dominates the Vols on this possession losing yards, and punting on a 4th and 14.

12:14 – Donovan gets 8 on a scramble. Zach Brown gets stuffed, 3rd and 2….

12:15 – Tennessee gets away with Pass Interference, 4th and 2, DaBouche punts it out of the end zone.

12:19 – Wisconsin stacks up TN again. 2nd and 12, 9 minutes left in 3rd, first reference to the ‘Bloomin’ Onion I’

12:20 – Tennessee picks up a 1st, but does nothing. 2nd and 10. Does nothing again, 3rd and 10.

12:23 – Does nothing for a 3rd time, TN will punt. Gilreath is awesome, big return, Tennessee get 15 net yards on the punt, WI takes over. That was the 1st breakdown on the Vol’s punt coverage.

12:27 – 6:30 left in the 3rd, Wisconsin has the ball, 2nd +8 on the TN 40. Make it 3rd and 8. Announcers now mention that Beckum has 0 catches.

12:28 – Wisconsin picks up the blitz, but a wide open Jefferson bones the catch. Nice one, ass. 4th and 8, WI DOWNS THE PUNT ON THE 1!!!

12:30 – TN running back gets to the 2. Incompletion makes it third. This could be a turning point. A lot of potential for a game changer here. Turnover, Safety, Blocked Punt? Tennessee gets a couple and sends on the punter.

12:32 – Good punt coverage by TN, Badgers will start at their 45.

12:35 – PJ Hill gets almost 20 yds. Nice. Badgers are winning the field position battle.

12:36 – Two more runs make a WI first down at the TN 30.

12:37 – Donovan keeper gets it to the 23. I like the return to basics. What SEC speed advantage?

12:39 – Completion to Garrett Graham, 1st for WI on the 15. Slow and Steady Baby.

12:40 – 4 yards for Hill. I like this drive, 2nd and 6 on the 11. Wisconsin has 8 more minutes of possession. 2 more yards for Hill, 3rd and 4 on the 9. Smith is stuffed, flag gets thrown….illegal formation, declined, send on the kicker with 30 seconds left in the quarter….Its good.

WI – 17 — TN – 21

12:44 Kick off is downed, Tennessee starts at their 20…..1st play bounces of Briscoes chest. 2nd play is a fumbled pitch for a loss of 3 or 4, End of the 3rd Quarter.

12:49 – Vols convert that huge 3rd down. bastards got 20+ yards. Now its 2nd and 9 on the TN 37.

12:50 – incompletion leads to 3rd and 8. 1st and way more. Badgers are studs, except on 3rd down. Tennessee is now at the WI 40. They need to get some more pressure on the QB, lay him out a few times.

12:52 – 13 minutes left, TN has a 3rd and short near the 30. Badgers need a stop. desperately.

12:53 – They get it, 4th and 3. They’re going for it? SHIT SHITSHITSHITSHITSHIT, TN converts, gets about 15. FUCKSHITFUCKSHITASSBASTARD>\a2

12:55 – 11 minutes left in the game, Tennessee brought in their backup QB to get stuffed. 4th and 6 near the ten. I say just count the FG now.

WI – 17 — TN – 24 21

BLOCKED!! w00t!!

12:57 – Elijah MotherFuckin’ Hodge Bitches!!

1:00 – PJ Hill is nasty, earns 5 yards. PJ HILL IS A SWINGIN DICK BABY GOGO…oh hes gettin caught from behind, wait for it, wait for it. Down to the 18!

1:03 – Lance Smith is not PJ Hill. He’s not even close. and I’ll say again this season. WHO THE FUCK CALLED THE END AROUND??? SERIOUSLY!

1:04 – Beckum breaks his cherry, 4th and 1, 6:20 left, Brett goes for it…..fuck me in the ass. we get NOTHING. fuck shit piss.

1:07 – 5:12 left, 3rd and 6 for Tennessee. If I didn’t have to work at 5, I’d be drinking right now. Drinking a lot. Tennessee converts the 3rd down on a screen that goes big. 5 minutes left.

1:10 – 4 minutes left, 3rd and 5 for the Vols.God damn it, BUT WAIT< TEN FUMBLED WI BALL!!!!

1:12 – no please don’t review……

1:15 – please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please please pleaseFUCKFUCKFUCK.

1:17 – Tennessee gets the ball back. its the right call but FUCK.

1:18 – Three minutes left, Tennessee has a 2nd and 10. Make it 3rd and 15.

1:19 – 1:39 to go, Timeout Tennessee. Execution is king right now. Wisconsin can’t afford to make a mistake. Any kind of mistake. They need a stop, a timeout, and a touchdown drive, and they have one timeout and 99 seconds to get all three.

1:23 – Wisconsin gets the stop and the timeout, there’s 1:32 to go, Tennessee is on the Wisconsin 40, give or take. Wisconsin takes over on their own 12.

1:25 – complete for 3, 2nd and 7, good news is the clock stops with the OOB. Incomplete over the middle, 3rd and 7 with 1:14 left. Can’t buy a PI call right now

1:26 – Complete to the 36, 1:06, 1st down Garret Graham, now 9 more for Graham, is kept inbounds, 45 seconds left. Now they say its a first, and the clock stops, both coaches are pissed, they put more time back on the clock, 46 seconds, 1st down Wisconsin. Now they review the play. Turd Burglars. Thanks for giving the TN D a breather.

1:29 – The Ref says…….Ruling is confirmed, thanks for the delay ass clown.

1:30 – BECKUM MAKES A CATCH AND TEN GETS A LATE HIT, ADD 15 MORE BABY!! Guess not. Enchroachment on TEN, 1st and 5 for WI at the 35 yard line. 38 seconds, clock is stopped.

1:31 – Fuck. Tennessee gets a pick at the goal line, game over. Shit. Season over, better luck next year, right? A knee is taken, hopes are crushed, and I woke up after 4 hours of sleep to see a modern day tragedy. No one gets a gameball today.





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