Tony Romo Shut Down by Simpson’s Tenacious ‘Chastity Belt’ Defense

 

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After the Dallas Cowboys 6 – 10 loss to the lowly Philadelphia Eagles Tony Romo could be seen hanging his head in the locker-room. When asked about his 13 for 36, 3 interception performance, said “…the loss is not a good thing.” The questions kept coming for the Dallas star, and reporters focused mostly on his poor performance and also on his injured thumb. Team officials were characterizing his injury as a contusion, and post-game X-rays came back negative. The Cowboys medical staff has Romo scheduled for an MRI on monday.

Coach Wade Phillips said that Romo sustained the injury at some point in the first half, however sources close to the Pro-Bowl quarterback had something else to say. “Tony did not bruise his thumb during the game,” said one Dallas staffer, “It happened during his Saturday visit to the Dallas Magnolia Hotel.”

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The source went on to say that Tony was visiting his new squeeze Jessica Simpson in the plush penthouse suite. Apparently Simpson was not in the mood, and when contacted for comment, a Simpson spokesperson told us, “Jessica has a headache, and is unavailable for any interviews.”

Some sports pundits have speculated that perhaps Simpson’s attendance at Sunday’s game was a factor in Romo’s sub-par outing, but sources in Irving have a different idea. One man, claims to have overheard Romo as he departed the Magnolia bemoaning his “blue balls”.

One player, speaking anonomously, said “I’ve been around this league for so long, and I’ve never heard a story that even compares to (Tony’s). I mean, in 16 years playing pro-football this is the first time I’ve heard about a chastity belt!” Our interview had to suspended for a few minutes in order for the veteran to catch his breath after his outburst of laughter. He would later continue, “He was telling us that she had on this…Tollyboy thingie, and that she had lost the key, and when he was trying to get it off he caught his thumb in the latch.” The Cowboys entire organization can only hope for better luck the next two weeks as they must win out to insure home field advantage throughout the playoffs.

****The above is not to be considered *actual* news. None of the sources quoted above actually said anything attributed to them.*****

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