After every loss there is a torrent of excuses. This week I will offer you a cascade of my very own, homemade excuses. Enjoy.
Reason #1: San Francisco managed to score 20 points for only the third time this season, while the Bengals scored less than 14 for the fourth time this season. What were the odds that both these events would take place on the same night? I put them around 1:16.
Reason #2: New Orleans was not set back as much as I had anticipated by the absence of Reggie Bush. Arizona almost kept pace, but Wisenhunt’s big balls fake punt wasn’t enough.
Reason #3: A warm weather team (Jacksonville) won a game in the snow (@ Pittsburgh). In retrospect, I should have guessed it would happen, because Jacksonville is the best running club in the NFL.
Reason #4: A cold weather team (Buffalo) totally boned one in the snow (@ Cleveland). What really chafes my ass about this one is Buffalo probably gets more snow than any other market in the NFL, and they score NO points in a blizzard. Dissapointing.
Reason #5: Rule #2 of the 2007 NFL season was violated, which officially downgrades it to Theory #2 of the 2007 NFL Season: Never pick the Miami Dolphins to win. No matter the Fin’s win, Theory #2 is still 13-1, although it let me down this week.
Reason #6: Seattle only scored 10 points. 10 freakin’ points. 10 points the week after they put up 42 on ‘Zona. Mike the Teddy Bear needs to keep his team motivated this near the playoffs, or Seattle will lose to a hot wildcard.
Reason #7: The NFC’s most prolific offense put up six whole points. Six. My only consolation was Westbrook hitting the deck instead of scoring the TD, thus icing the game, and causing thousands of fantasy football fans to curse so loudly because they needed that 6 points for that touchdown to win their playoff matchup.
Reason #8: The Giants receivers must have dropped 20+ passes in that debacle of a Sunday Night game. Maybe I am just wrong about Eli Manning. Granted a few balls were wounded ducks, but every time I looked up from my laptop some guy dressed in blue was. doing his best impression of “Hot Hands” Hanon. My biggest disappointment in this one was that Tom Coughlin didn’t have the cojones to call the Annexation of Puerto Rico. “I’ll Show You Intimidation!”
Reason #9: Kyle Orton.
The Bottom Line is that I went 7-9. Which sucks. DVOA goes 10-6. Standings from week 5 , through week 15 look a little like this:
DVOA – 115 – 46
Monkey – 102 – 59 (13 games back)