Reports from Foxboro indicate that Patriots QB, Thomas Brady, unabashedly guaranteed that he would have wild and kinky sex with his current girlfriend, Gisele Bundchen, after this Sunday’s game versus the Pittsburgh Steelers, saying, “Of course we’re gonna do it. I have a strong pimp hand, and I guarantee if I execute the gameplan we will have relations tonight after the game.”
Bundchen, who is rumored to be Brazilian, could not be reached for comment, however, sources near the budding actress said that “(She) really enjoys the physical aspect” of her relationship with the three time Super Bowl champ. However, other sources in the Bundchen camp said, “Guarantees aren’t worth the lipstick they’re written in.”
Brady’s teammates also had mixed reactions. One Veteran teammate, who asked not to be named, told this reporter, “I’ve been catchin’ passes in this league for fifteen years, and I’ve never had a teammate rub his hot girlfriend in my face like this. Honestly, if it was Drew Bledsoe saying this, I’d punch him square in the ****.” Others had a different view, including Backup QB, Matt Cassell, who had “no objections whatsoever” to Brady’s prediction, saying, “The confidence he exudes is contagious. Whenever I’m around him, I feel like I can **** any ***** in the room, ya know?”
Patriots coach, Bill Belichek, was clearly perturbed that Brady would so publicly flaunt his totally awesome sex life in the national spotlight. After a Saturday film session Belichek spoke tersley with reporters. “In this business, it’s not about what he says, It’s all about what he does. I’d be disappointed if he’s writing a check with his mouth that his **** can’t cash.”
No matter your opinion on Brady’s guarantee, it should be motivation for all the players involved on both sides of the ball. Just prior to entering the Patriots players entrance, he told reporters that, not only did he guarantee post game coitus with Gisele, but also that he had been “…putting in extra hours in the film room, really breaking down my technique. It’s important to introduce a few new wrinkles every Sunday.” Brady then winked at reporters before ducking inside Gillette Stadium.
**disclaimer – nobody quoted in this article actually said any of the words attributed to them. This article is for Entertainment only, and is not to be in any way construed as news.