Your Week 14 Headlines…….Today!

Time for the man VS machine week 14 picks.  In the spirit of Pierce Brosnan Bond movies my week 14 picks will be presented as Tomorrow’s News Today.  Fantastic.


Chicago @ Washington

DVOA–>WAS by 10 %

Monkey–>Redskins Suffer Tragic Loss – The Redskins are on a short week, especially with Taylor’s funeral, they’re coming off a last second loss, and they no longer have their best defensive player.  On the other hand, the Bears offense is pathetic, they’ve lost 6 of their last 8, but on the first hand again, the ‘Skins have lost the last 4 in a row, and Joe Gibbs manages the 4th quarter like his name is Chris Webber……The coin landed heads, so Chicago by 4.


Miami @ Buffalo

DVOA–>BUF by 20.8%

Monkey–>Buffalo Wings Wounded DolphinsRule #2 of the 2007 NFL Season is never pick the Dolphins to Win.  Bills by 7.

Dallas @ Detroit

DVOA–>DAL by 59.1%

Monkey–>Detroit To Have 10 in Column Next To Win – There’s a good chance that this game could be over by halftime.  John Kitna could get sacked 4, maybe 5 times in this one.  Detroit has lost 3 by 30 or more this year, so look for a blowout, Dallas by 16.

St. Louis @ Cincinatti

DVOA–>CIN by 37.9%

Monkey–>Chad Johnson earns $10K Fine for Being Chad Johnson – I don’t see how the Rams can pull this one out on the road.  If this one was at St. Louis I’d take the Rams, but outdoors?  At Cincy?  Sorry Linehan, but even Steven Jackson won’t save you here.  Bengals by 10.

Oakland @ Green Bay

DVOA–>GB by 48.8%

Monkey–>Favre Makes Streak 250 in Blowout Win – Oakland’s Quarterback Shuffle is the counterpoint to Green Bay’s decade and a half of Quarterback Stability.  Total Packer Homer takes GB by 17.

Tampa Bay @ Houston

DVOA–>TB by 32.1%

Monkey–>Tampa Bay Gives Earnest Effort – Look for Earnest Graham to be the deciding factor in this one.  Houston is a year away from making the playoffs.  That deadly combo of Green and Dayne just can’t get it done (don’t get me wrong, I’m a big Ron Dayne fan) and Tampa’s D is too good for the Texans to handle.  Tampa Bay by 6.

Carolina @ Jacksonville

DVOA–>JAC by 43.5%

Monkey–> Vinny, Freddy Both Done For Season – How long have you been waiting to read those headlines? I seriously hope I don’t have to read that Fred Taylor blows out his knee again, or that Vinny broke his hip, it’s just that I’ve been waiting for the other shoe to fall all year.  I just can’t pick the Panthers here.  Jacksonville is too good, on both sides of the ball to lose, Jacksonville by 12.

New York Giants @ Philadelphia

DVOA–>PHI by 2.4%

Monkey–>Eli Manning Breaks Single-Game INT Mark Eagles by 3.

San Diego @ Tennessee

DVOA–>SD by 19.2%

Monkey–>Norv Turner Forgets LT is on the Chargers – Will good Vince, or Bad Vince show up this week?  Has Len Dale White been eating hot dogs three at a time?  How good would the Titans be if they had PacMan to play corner?  These questions and others will be forgotten after the inevitable Norv Turner I’m-completely-unprepared-for-this-game moment, where Chargers fans are screaming “Give it to Tomlinson!!” and Norv calls the QB keeper.  Titans by 3.

Minnesota @ San Francisco

DVOA–>MIN by 59.9%

Monkey–> ADRIAN!!!  – I seriously believe that will be the actual headline in Minnesota (I also believe that the paper’s editors will think they are being original).  As a fan of league parity, I conflicted between cheering for and against the ‘Niners…If they win out, the Pats pick drops.  If they lose out, New England won’t want to pay out top 3 $$$ and trade that pick.  Anyway, the Vikings have a decent defense, and if Childress gives AP 25+ carries, I see Minnesota by 14.

Arizona @ Seattle

DVOA–>SEA by 21.5%

Monkey–>Arizona ‘Edges’ ‘Hawks –  What’s so special about Seattle?  Cards by 1.

Pittsburgh @ New England

DVOA–>NE by 36.3%

Monkey–> Pat’s Still Perfect – Rule #1 of the 2007 NFL Season – Never Pick Against the Patriots.  New England by 10.

Kansas City @ Denver

DVOA–>DEN by 3.8%

Monkey–> Broncos Henry Celebrates Victory by Fathering 10th Child – Herman Edwards is a poor man’s Tony Dungy, Look for the Chiefs to be out of breath by the 2nd Quarter.  With the end of the whole “suspension suspense” finally dispatched, the Bronc’s will be focused, Denver by 13.

Cleveland @ New York Jets

DVOA–>CLE by 23.5%

Monkey–> Mangini Throws Phone, Injures Thomas Jones – Look for the Jets to express their frustration by acting out as the Browns get an early lead, thus nullifying the best offensive player on the jets (Thomas Jones).  Browns by 14.

Indianapolis @ Baltimore

DVOA–>IND by 34.4%

Monkey–> Bart Scott Penalized for Throwing Referee into Stands – The Colts won’t make the Patriots mistake of underestimating the Ravens.  Look for Peyton Manning to have a great game, even with Marvin Harrison probably still out.  Indy by 9.

New Orleans @ Atlanta

DVOA–>NO by 14.6%

Monkey–> Who Cares? – Saints 27 – Falcons 16

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