Don Shula’s Impending Heart Attack

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Previously, on Don Shula’s Impending Heart Attack we discussed the possibility of Shula keeling over if the Patriots should go 19-0. This week we discuss the possibility of Don Shula having a heart attack in the press-box, as he sits in on a broadcast. I thought it was going to happen tonight, with the Ravens up on the Pats, 24-20. Kornheiser had just asked Shula about the champagne on ice when the probable happened. The Pats came back. Despite the fact that the Ravens had them stopped thrice. Once the Patriots got a second chance because of an ill-timed Billick Time-Out call. Once the Patriots got another chance because they committed a false start, and Once the Patriots got another chance because of defensive holding. And the whole time I was so sure it could happen. I say tdon shula 2hat bit not only about the Patriots comeback, but also that Shula was going to turn pink, choke for breath, and fall over dead betwixt Mike Tirico and Tony Tony Tony. It may not have happened, but it could, the closer the Patriots get to perfection, and the closer the Dolphins get to….whatever the opposite of perfection is. As for his earlier insistence (now retracted) that the Pats be branded with an asterisk, I’ll say only one thing: These days 17-0 only gets you to the Conference Championship Game. I truly truly wish that MNF would have gone to a shot of Shula’s face after Bart Scott got two 15-yarders in 10 seconds. I would have paid extra for that.

But on to other things…Like my picks going 11-5, although not all were by my margins, while the DVOA goes 10-6 and forgets to send me it’s margins of victories yet again.   The standings since week five look like this:

DVOA  – 91-38

Monkey – 84-45

 Now here’s something to celebrate picking up a game on the machine….


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