MNF Sucks and so does your 4 year old sister (or so I’ve been told)… No I’m not a Pedophile I promise… Ok I am but only when I’m drunk…

Yesterday’s “football” game between the Steely Mcbeams and the only non-human mammals that have sex for enjoyment made me wish I was watching soccer. At least then the game being tied 0-0 the entire time would make some fucking sense.  I wish my favorite shirt wasn’t covered in blood, but during the game I found it to be more fun to write profanities into my chest with a steak knife than watch that game. Seemed like a good idea at the time, but I’m having a hard time getting chicks with “Shit cocker” tattooed to my chest in writing that would make a 5 year old wonder if I knew how to write.

I wish this was the first time MNF has let me down this season but alas MNF has been like the last 10 years of John Cusack’s film career- you think you like him but then he continually sucks in every film. Then out of the blue comes Being John Malkovich (Packers-Broncos) and you get all excited, then he follows it up with America’s Sweethearts, Identity, and 1408 and he gets added to the list of people you would not give the antidote to.  Lets recap the last 4 weeks of MNF which have made watching “I love NY” look like a great use of time.

Pittsburgh 38, Baltimore 7

Seattle 24, SF 0

Denver 34, Tenn 20

Pittsburgh 3, Miami 0

 and the next 3 weeks

New England at Baltimore (at least what’s left of their team)

New Orleans at Atlanta

Chicago at Minnesota

So MNF sucks which sucks because it was always a great excuse to get a good buzz going after the first day of the work week. I guess I’ll just have to embrace drinking to forget. Meanwhile NBC is all like, we get whatever fucking game we want and Tony Kornheiser is all like “Peter King, stop fueling my silent rage”.

On a side note hopefully Tiki Barber and Jerome Bettis can be merged into one giant overrated running back, Jeriki Barttis, who averaged 4.0 yards a carry and speaks only in cliches.  Watch out he has the fast-action backstabbing move down.

Anyway maybe MNF could select games like 5 weeks in advance or something so that terrible teams don’t make up more than half the teams playing in the second half of the schedule. I mean I’m sure people thought Atlanta, Miami, and Baltimore would be entertaining but they suck, and nobody wants to watch them. There is one thing they could do to get ratings back up though- they need to get the old announcing team back together. Which team you ask? The 1985 announcing team of Frank Gifford, OJ Simpson, and Joe Namath. Now tell me that wouldn’t get ratings. 

P.S. I think we should all speculate on whether Sean Taylor died because he was black, or because he couldn’t leave the hood life, or because a random burglar broke into his house. Once we have all the facts we won’t be able to speculate, so don’t waste any time.

I think he died because he uncovered a conspiracy about the catholic church and their covering up of Jesus’ double-murder suicide with the whole Crucifixion thing and the pope sent the secret Christ police after him. But I am tripping on acid while watching the DaVinci code so take that with a grain of salt.

 T 

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