Hello, my name is T and I have lots of money in Nigeria that I cannot get access to. Please send me $1000 and I super-duper promise that I will give you a billion dollars once I pay the Unholy Troll that is guarding my immense fortune.
Actually, I am a new co-author of this blog (I am the transplant) and will be offering profane ramblings about sports, pop culture, and
child pornography my hobbies. For my first post I thought I would break down different NHL defensive alignments and their pros and cons. But then I realized I fucking hate hockey and haven’t watched it in years, so instead I’m going rank the top 5 NFL teams in a snarky fashion.
1. NE Pats – Yes they are good and there is nothing really to say that hasn’t been said already. Tom Brady pisses excellence and fucks models. Randy Moss could catch gential warts from a nun. Bill Belichick could single-handedly solve the coming social security problem, but honestly he doesn’t give a fuck about poor people.
2. The Colts – Before this season I reasoned that at this point there really couldn’t be an argument made that Peyton wasn’t the greatest QB ever. Now Tom Brady looks just about the same, the lesson- we need to stop worrying about who’s the best ever because it’s so fucking hard to seperate players in football from their system and supporting players. I mean if Montana was on the Bucs in the 80’s he sucks, and I’m a 49ers fan. As for the Colts, they look shaky on offensive but the reason they won’t be able to compete because Tony Dungy is the dude in Madden who just keeps calling the cover 2 defense. Umm… Yeah it’s a good play, one of the best, but you might want to mix it up a little bit, this isn’t pee-wee football . And instead of extolling the virtues of a defensive system that does a lot with shitty players, maybe they could you know get good players and develop a really good defense.
3. Steelers – This team looks pretty damn good a lot of the time but I know and you know that Big Ben is going to choke in any big game. He just seems like a choker, not in the Rising Sun sense of choking, that’s just a little fucked up. I mean if you need to choke a bitch to get off you might want want to stop being so pissed off that your mother didn’t let you get that fucking GI JOE. Anyway, the steelers are going to beat all the bad teams and lose badly in the playoffs because Big Ben is only good against bad teams.
4. Dallas – The pride of the NFC which is an awful lot like being voted most likely to succeed when you are at court-mandated rehab for your crack addiction. Tony Romo is a fucking restaurant playing quarterback and I think he’s due to have a 5-INT game because he’s thinking way too much about which overrated female celebrity he wants to tap next. Anyway Dallas has a horrific secondary but fortunately only the Packers in the NFC have any chance of exploting it because there are 2 decent QB’s in the whole NFC and one if pushing 40.
5. Packers – The character of Johnny Appleseed was based on Brett Farve… except for the part about planting apple trees… and not raping men. The Packers seem to be able to run the ball and Farve looks good, but mainly the Packers are winning because the rest of the NFL sucks and they got a lucky schedule. They have a couple of pretty good pash rushers and a good QB which in this day and age makes you a stud NFL team. They play at Dallas in the coming weeks and that will be a test to see if they are really good or if they are the recipient of a giant fucking cupcake schedule.