Clean Sweep and Thin Mints.

On a day such as this I feel I must reflect on a clean sweep of the Giants. The Crew did it in impressive fashion, and Ben Sheets looked fantastic in the third game. Too bad he’s now 9 innings closer to a 60 day trip to the DL, no? So many runs, so many hits, and a Gagne save. The expected and unexpected collided. Even more unexpected was getting my oil changed and my taxes filed in between the 2nd and 7th inning yesterday. The most unexpected? H&R Block playing the game on their muzak system. I promise further reflections later today, as long as you tune in to ESPN to see the French riot police and then compare them to the uniforms from 2002’s Rollerball.

Also, here is something people can will waste their money on…

Game Day.

It’s 12:07 and Manny Parra throws a strike for his first pitch of the day. Given that Benjie Molina is the Giants clean up hitter I feel pretty good about todays game. Parra gets the first two outs to put a smile on my face. Until just now I had no idea that Randy Winn was still in the bigs. I kind of feel sorry for Bruce Bochy because no one could manage 65 wins with San Francisco’s lineup. Giants go 3 up 3 down and the Brewers will get to bat. Kevin Correia is pitching for SF, and he’s perhaps a bright spot for them. Will he be the Bays next Jason Schmidt or the next Merkin Valdez? I wonder if Merkin’s parents knew what a Merkin is when they named him. Prince Fielder grounds into a DP to end the inning. And yes, I know what else DP can stand for.

Damn you WordPress, with your non functional link adder. I know I could just edit the HTML, but I’m lazy and lazy people don’t writ HTML code when they’re as tired as I am. Molina ends up getting an extra base on a wild throw from Counsell. Cest la ‘vive, No? Potential web gem for Fielder? Maybe an athletic catch by a fat man just seems more impressive than if a more lithe player had made it.

I can feel a nap coming on. I’ll try to make it, but I don’t know if I can.

End of the Giants 2nd. Parra has 3 strikeouts so far. Interesting note: Counsell’s error was the Crew’s first of the season.

Crew get the first 2 on with noone out in the bottom of the 2nd. Correia looked good in the 1st, but not so much against the last two batters. I think that Braun ripping one into left may have shaken him a bit. A fielders choice gets Braun at third, but Hart out-hustles the double play attempt. I guess now its time to see if Mike Rivera can hit.  Shitty.  Bill Hall just got thrown out stealing third.  at least Cory Hart is on 2nd, but none of this matters if Rivera goes down.

WHAM BAM THANK YOU MA’AM!!  Rivera flubs one in the infield grass, almost like a bunt, and the throw to first was wide by 5 feet, Cory Hart scored from second. Add this moment to the already long Giants blooper reel.  Bad Luck or Incompetence?  You Decide.

The Best Part of Staying Up…

is getting home just as the sun rises, knowing full well that the Brewers play at noon, and I have a new episode of Battlestar Galactica to watch. I only wish that I had spent the last 12 hours doing something that anyone might consider ‘fun’. I mean, there were the deliveries to the Wisconsin High School Football Coaches Association’s convention at the Marriott. If y’all want to have some fun, or at the very least drink until you’re belligerent, I suggest A High School Football Coaches Convention. It doesn’t matter which state you live in, just go. And bring a camera. And Beer. Lots and lots of beer.

so here is a reason to love Canada and their crazy idea to make the football field longer, and increase the number of players on the field.  The best idea  any Americans had (after the XFL, of course) is to play football indoors on a field the size of a hockey rink.  There’s a reason why some people resist change, Arena Football being only a small example.  My example would be how I was getting along just fine with the old WordPress interface.  I didn’t mind typing in align=”left” to turn on word wrappping.  I really didn’t.  Then some-one decided to change the entire way I do (non) business.  Now I hardly recognize this website.  I may be for Obama, but I’d vote for “stay the course” candidate to run WordPress.

And now to change the subject completely and suddenly, The Brewers whaled on the Giants yesterday, doing their part to erase the awful memory of the last time a team called the Giants played a Wisconsin franchise.  Villanueva looked good, as did the Brewers offense and now Parra will get a turn to tune-up against a Cleveland-Indians-In-Major-League-esque Giants squad at noon today.  Until then, good day.

Last Chance to Sweep.

Brewers are down 3 in the top of the 9th.  3 more outs to sweep the Cubs and open the season on the best possible note.  It’s only with trepidation that I believe its good news that Kerry Wood is coming on to close the game, even after his game one performance.  Win or lose I have to leave for work before the game will be over.

2 outs left for the Crew as Corey Hart Ks.  Wood seems to have some confidence back, he’s throwing strikes today.  Hardy grounds out, and the Brewers have one out left.  Crew gets a double and now is when Jason Kendall can earn his money.  Confident Kerry left and Kendall has a 3-1 count to work with here.

Here is something for Cubs fans to think about. 

It’s over on a called strike.  Way to earn the highest salary on the team Jason.

I have to work now, try to keep it together.

Riske Business

Is a headline that some Wisconsin paper will undoubtably use this year.  They will probably run it after David Riske gets promoted to closer.

I like Riske, kind of.  You should read what Baseball Forecaster says about him:

“Why a sub 3.00 ERA is history:

- Strand rate likely to regress.

- Borderline command.

- Rising FB rate in 2nd half.

Has been outperforming xERA for years, eventually his luck will run out.  Why not 2008?”

Kind of negative, no?  At the rate he’s performed this season Riske is on pace for 162 appearances, 81 saves, 243 Ks and a 0.00 ERA(Q: Why does ESPN bother projecting a seasons of stats after 2 games?).  Not likely to happen ever, but since the Brewers are 2-0 and the Cubs are 0-2 it’s impossible to rain on my parade today.

After the Rain Delay

3:47 – Gwynn makes a catch at the wall, end of four. I missed nearly a whole inning because I played a couple games of pool. Now that we’ve had some time to drink this almost seems intriguing.

3:50 – according to the announcers there’s now been 93 minutes of delays. Plus the pretentious BS before the first pitch. 3 up down for the Cubs, they bat next, middle of 4. Here is a sexy picture…

it’s also patriotic.

3:56 – Sheets looks more in control than before the delay. He’s got an awful lot of movement on the curveball today, and now its the bottom of the 5th with 2 out. Make it the top of the 6th.

4:05 – middle of the 6th as the Crew goes 0-3.

4:17 – Top of the seventh and the Crew can’t it shit until Bill Hall doubles off the wall. 1 out and a chance here. Zambrano looks really good today, but I think he’s nervous now.

4:20 – Bill Hall gets greedy and gets picked off. Good God-damn. It’s a little like watching a monkey with a football. He’s got no idea what to do with it, but damn if he’s not trying to fuck it.

4:33 – Ben Sheets is gone, Salomon TOrres is in, let’s see what happens.

4:37 – Jason Kendall runs down Fukudome. What the Fuck Would Johnny Estrada have Done??

4:46 – Nothing is happening. Less of a pitcher’s duel and more of a shitty hitting clinic. This is everything that baseball shouldn’t be. It’s cold and cloudy and wet. It’s muddy and messy, and the longer this goes on the more nervous I am. Mota is on for Torres. Z.L. remarks that its just about Turnbow Time, and Milk says some disparaging remarks. Let’s see if Mota can perform at his Spring Training Standard.

5:00 – Rickie Weeks gets beaned. and the top of the ninth looks promising. T.G. Jr. bunts foul for a second strike, and Gwyn could attempt another bunt or have Jr. try to slap one into the outfield. Sac bunt.

5:05 – positive vibes about this Braun at bat.

5:06 – Braun gets a RBI and the Crew get one. Nice concentration and good technique got em that one. Now there’s two on and a chance for Bill Hall to score one or both runners. ZL has a bad feeling, but its only because he doesn’t have any faith.

5:09 – Hall K’s, killing my hope. Peteson isn’t as drunk as me but he still thinks he’s going to class. But I still think Hart will Hit.

5:10 – Hart RBI triple, Brewers 3 Cubs 0. Oh my god, Gagne’s coming, and I’m suddenly sick. I’d feel better if I saw some boobs…

5:15 and Gagne hasn’t got past his loss of confidence. Lee gets a single.

5:17 – “Q: How many Brewers fans does it take to throw a Cubs fan down the stairs. A: None. He Fell.” – Z.L.

5:21 – “10 million dollars you motherfucker!” – Peteson after Gagne serves up a 3-run HR to Fukudome, who comes up for a curtain call. God I hate the fucking Cubs. tied at 3-3.

5:23 – Milk is being so negative, talking its over. Gagne finally gets an out. I gotta piss. Like a racehorse.

5:27 – Gagne doesn’t hustle to first and Pie finagles a single. Lazy fucker. all of this is following the FSN announcers telling me that Gagne spread the gas and Turnbow is coming on to light the match. I hear the Prodigy in my head.

5:32 – More nerve racking than a 1 point basketball game with 30 second left Gagne finally retires the side. Ten Million Fucking Dollars.

5:40 – Counsell scores on a Gwynn sac fly. Brewers up one in the tenth with two out.

5:41 – Fielder gets a base hit, two out, first and third. This bodes well, as Cousell coming in means a pinch hitter for Gagne. I don’t know for sure, I was smoking, but it makes me happy. The announcers call Aramis Ramerez Lazy.

5:44 – Braun flys out and the Cubs will come up to bat. I can only hope that if Turnbow is pitching that he won’t try to make Eric Gagne look good.

5:46 – “Its a good thing I brought Doritos” – Z.L.

5:47 – Riske is pitching now for Gagne. He gets a groundball out. He probably can attribute his good spring stats to his fb/gb ratio.

5:49 – Kendall makes a heads up play and I ask again, What Would Johny Estrada have one? or WWJEHD? GWYNN MAKESA GREAT CATCH, Brewers Win! Here i another sexy picture, because you deserve it…

Opening Day, Live with the Monkey, Milk, and Peteson…

4:26 am – I’m done with work. Now I have to pack a bag because I am going to visit my brothers in Oshkosh for opening day. I have a full day of drinking, brats, burgers and baseball ahead of me, and the journey starts now. There’s less than 9 hours until the first pitch, how could I sleep?

7:23 – Arrive in Oshkosh after dicking around before driving up. I arrive to find myself locked out, despite the fact Milk promised the back door would be open. Lucky for me he was awake and let me in promptly.

7:43 am – Milk and Peteson have the new Steven Seagal movie, Pistol Whipped, on the DVR. in the first two minutes (probably) the best scenes have used as a quasi trailer/opening credits sequence, Seagal’s character has already been concretely defined, and there was a poorly shot poker sequence. This should get usa viewers by until Casino Royale makes its network debut.

7:54 – Steven Seagal is turning his characters life around!!! Also Steven is always just ‘passing through’ in all of his movies,

7:58 – “It’s a new record, it’s over a half hour into the movie and he hasn’t killed anybody yet” – Milk

8:03 – Multi-cultural Love Interest!! WHOO!

9:19 – And now, the exciting conclusion of Pistol Whipped.

9:31 am – A 3 car chase scene, a graveyard shootout, a “sexy fling” with a Condaleeza Rice look a like? The only way it could be better is if I hadn’t just watched the edited for TV version with blurred out titties and motherfreakers.

10:01 – The Weather Channel is showing a rather large storm system headed for Chicago. How awesome is the MLB scheduling office, choosing Chicago to host the first series when Milwaukee has a roof. Fucking Brilliant.

10:33 – Drew Carey is trying to give away a catameran on the Price is Right. Still no word about a possible rain out in Chicago.

11:15 am – Still no news about a rain out, but John Kruk’s testicle is on the TV, so I’ll deal. Also, I miss Harold Reynolds, I hate Eric Young. I hated him as a Cub, I hated him as a Brewer, and I hate him as an analyst.

11:40 – The tarp is on the field and Zambrano has just been called flambouyant.

12:18 – KC/DET on the ESPN. It’s nice that baseball’s back.

12:24 – 2 on 2 out for Detroit, Yankees on a rain delay. I hope I don’t have to watch this whole game if the Brewers/Cubs get rained out.

12:41 – What does ESPN call it when they promise a Toronto NewYork matchup and deliver Kansas City and Detroit instead? Bonus Coverage.

1:08 – No rain in Chicago (yet).

1:14 – “I came home from work the other day with the scent o strawberry daquaris in the air. All I could hear was ‘HOUSE! SHED! CAR! and the men I thought had penises were actually women. They were playing Pictionary” -Z.L. Quote of the day and the game hasn’t started yet.

1:27 – The Brewers are on 3 channels here in Oshkosh. Three Channels. I’m almost tempted to put on the WGN feed just to see if my brothers notice.

1:38 – Rain delay. Tempted to watch the Price is Right on YouTube.

1:40 – Dude on WGN is talking about “creatures of habit”. At least they have Wrigley on their screen. Today feels like the preamble to a career ending injury.

1:43 – National Anthem. Mention of the NIU school shooting. What a way to bring light to a gray rainy chilly day in mother-f$#@ing Chigago.

1:47 – Jesus Christ. Enough with the melodramatic bullshit. A Royal old school trumpet entrance music for Ernie Banks? It sounded like a good idea when you planned it three months ago, but today when it’s thirty nine degrees and rainy it seems kind of like this could have been done in May.

1:53 pm – “Write that down. Ernie Banks can hardly feed himself” – Peteson.

- “Let’s throw a fucking pitch already”

1:55 – Ernie Banks throws one way outside. I take this as a good omen. Also, now that the post first pitch commercials have been run I am a little excited about things only to for the rain to keep coming down. At least the Cubs all have to stand in the rain first. The weather is now bordering on pouring buckets.

2 :00 pm – It looks like they’re going to actually play in a fog game. When the camera moves further away from the action the more apparent the fog becomes. Ricky Weeks K’s and Jr gets an infield single, and the Wrigley cameras above the first deck are all fogged over.

2:05 – The quality of the TV Broadcast is terrible. How do you like your HDTV now?? Gwynn steals third. Braun pops out, middle of 1.

“@#$%, for 13 dollars I be a macademia nut.” Miller advertising campaign.

2:10 – 1 out for Ben Sheets. Pie is batting 8th. I predict now that a Chicago paper will lead the sports page with the headline “As American as Apple Pie” but mean the Pee-ay pronunciation instead of the Pie pronunciation. they will think that this is very humorous. 2 out on no out and then Lee K’s. end of one.

2:14 – Not now Jerry.

2:22 – Brewers go 3 up 3 down, middle of two.

2:23 – How long does a game have to go to be official. Fans hold Japanese signs that I hope were translated by a vengeful interpreter as Fukudome doubles. DeRossa hits a sac fly, and Sheets is getting hit pretty hard. FSN goes out of its way to show fat half-naked Cubs fans with FUKU pantied in alternating read and blue paint.

2:29 -Runners at the corners and an almost passed ball almost give me a heart attack. Cub threat ends.

2:35 – Batting eight, Sheets strikes out and I’m not exactly blown away by that decision. Kendall walks and the agreement is made to take shots of Korbel Brandy for every Brewers run scored and every homerun the Brewers give up. A pop up means that 2 are gone with Kendall standing on first in the rain. Underwhelmed thusfar.

2:42 – Why did you even start the game?? There’s 1 out in the bottom of the third, and I thought that this was a sure-fire season-ending groin pull. Now, here we are with a rain delay. I’m going to have another smoke.

Open Auditions

to replace ksk on the bogroll.  suggestions?

Mourning in Madison

My workday began with high hopes, and a frenzied pitch. UW was playing a 10 seed for a chance to advance, the good people of Madison were franticly ordering food and all was well for a while. But then the unthinkable happened. The Badgers couldn’t buy a bucket and the defense? Oh god, the defense. Wisconsin surrendered the tie at the start of the second half, and Bo Ryan was all like….

But the Badgers didn’t stop fucking around. At times it felt like Davidson had snuck one of those training rims onto Wisconsin’s hoop. You know, the ones that make you shoot the ball on the perfect arc otherwise the ball bounces out? Well it wasn’t long until Davidson opened up a double digit lead, and the orders slowed down. It was going to be a busy night, but the worse the game got, the less business came in. Coincidence? You decide.

Anyway, I kept thinking: This is the possession where Wisconsin gets back in it. Spoiler Alert for those who didn’t catch the game: They never got closer than 3 points. With about 5 minutes left in the game Bo Ryan as well as everyone in the greater Madison area was all…

Davidson would maintain their lead and as I returned to the store shortly after the game had ended I found the board blank and the phones silent. It was as if the life had been sucked out of Dane county. My co-workers all had these blank looks of shock but after a few minutes everyone was all like…

For a while all was still and quiet. But then slowly, surely, the phone rang again, and the deliveries came in. And that was when the strangest thing happened. I noticed that all the bars were overflowing out onto the sidewalks. Everyone was getting drunk! Before long it was as if everyone had decided: Fuck it. It’s Friday night, lets get plowed. And Plowed they got, until it no longer mattered that the home team had been blown out by some tiny school from North Carolina. They drank until it no longer mattered how ugly she was. They drank until they ordered food and then fell asleep long before it arrived, Because that’s how we mourn in Madison.

What About the Bucks?

What about them? They’re in the hunt for yet another lottery pick, that’s what. For the life of me I can’t figure out why. They’re 24-46 and for the first time in a while I can’t come up with an excuse. I need a reason why, despite the years of high draft picks, the Milwaukee Bucks still stink. I need some kind of explanation, I need to know the how and why behind the failure. Embark on this journey of discovery with me.

Breaking it Down, Position by Position

Michael Redd - 4th among SG with 23.3 ppg. Only shooting .369 from beyond the arc, but still among the most dangerous at his position. Maybe you criticize his defense, or point out that his 3pt % is lower than normal. I just don’t see Redd as the obstacle in this situation. Maybe Milwaukee’s dependence on his 23 a night is a stumbling block, but its not a bad problem to have, as far as problems go.

Mo Williams – 6th in scoring among PGs this year with 17.8 ppg. Shoots well from beyond the arc, however is middle of the pack in assists, coming in 14th with 6.4 per game. He doesn’t come up with a whole lot of steals, but bringing that up means I’m just grasping for straws. The only valid criticism to have is that Mo needs to make more meaningful passes, but even that seems a little like a cheap shot.

Andrew Bogut – 6th in scoring among centers with 13.9 ppg (which is a far cry from Amare’s 25, but still not bad). Tied for 14th league wide with 9.5 rebounds, and is 9th in blocks with 1.76 pg. The 7 footer seems to be earning the money that comes with the number one pick. Can you lay the blame at the Australian’s feet? Should he try to be a stronger presence on the defensive glass? I’m just not sure how much more the Bucks can ask of this guy. The only people in Milwaukee outscoring him are Redd and Williams.

Yi Jianlian – top ten in rookie scoring, #28 in scoring by PF’s with 8.6 in 25 mpg. I guess I only dislike the inconsistency. He may be averaging eight and a half, but he only got 2 points against Miami last week. It’s nice that he’s tall, and I’m sure that he’ll be pretty good in the future, but WHY draft him 7th overall when you have Charlie Villanueva on the roster? But what’s done is done, he’s on the team for the foreseeable future. If Yi’s going to get the minutes the Bucks need him to improve.

Charlie Villanueva - What to say about Charlie Villanueva? That he’s top 20 in PF scoring? That he outscores and out rebounds Yi despite fewer minutes? That he’s getting 10.7 ppg and 5.8 rpg in only 22 minutes? Interesting Fun Fact: Villanueva’s minutes have decreased each year with the Bucks despite the fact that he’s been the best PF on the team for the last two seasons. This is a guy who could average 16/10 if you let him play 30+ mpg. Why won’t this happen? Is it the alopecia?

 

Desmond Mason – If only this was the Desmond Mason from 04-05 who was getting 17 ppg and shooting .802 from the line. Sadly this is the 07-08 Desmond Mason who is getting 9.3 ppg and shooting .628 from the stripe. He’s getting fewer minutes this year, mostly because his ppg, rpg and FT% are all way down. He used to be a 14/6 guy whose FT% was .750-.800. I don’t know what happened but for the last 3 seasons he can’t make a free throw to save his life, and for a guy with a piss poor jumper this spells trouble (right here in River City). I don’t care about him winning a Slam Dunk contest, and I don’t care about flash and style. I don’t expect Mason feels the same way, and that’s a problem.

The Bench – What’s to say here? Am I supposed to get excited over Charlie Bell, Bobby Simmons and Royal Ivey? Is Dan Gadzuric supposed to trip my trigger? Maybe Simmons should get some more of Mason’s minutes, seeing as Bobby could probably match or beat Mason’s numbers with Mason’s minutes (Plus Simmons is a passable 3-pt threat). Maybe Royal Ivey can play the role of back-up PG reasonably well. I’d just like to know why it was so necessary to spend so much money on Charlie Bell and Dan Gadzuric. Here’s a (not so funny) joke: Q: What’s the difference between Charlie Bell and Dan Gadzuric? A: Dan is shooting over .400!!! If I’m the Bucks new GM I can’t wait to lose Bell in a trade. I send Bell and $7 mil for a 2nd rounder. There’s no reason for him to be playing 24 minutes a game. Bell and Gadzuric are both under contract for the next 4 years, Bell for $3+ mil this season and Gadzuric for $5+ mil this year. What a fucking mess, No? The only question about this fiasco I have left is what took so long to fire Larry Harris?

 

Larry Krskwtkzstk  How the hell do you spell this guys name anyway?  I don’t have any real criticism of this Larry, but I don’t know if he can make Milwaukee work with the money constraints that former GM Larry Harris’ legacy will be.  I’m not sure anyone can.  I won’t blame him for the end result this year, and I hope he does well, but there are only a few coaches in the NBA who have a deep impact on their teams.  Besides Phil Jackson, Jerry Sloan and Stan Van Gundy’s mustache there really aren’t that many men who can help teams play beyond their talent level.  Maybe Larry needs to refine his system, whatever it might be, or maybe he needs to learn how to light a fire under his guys.  I don’t know for sure, but he deserves at least another year, as well as some input into the draft.

The Monkey’s Bottom Line

The Bucks failure as a team comes down to a few things, the least addressable of which is the shortsightedness of Larry Harris’ roster moves.  The Bucks are saddled with 4 years of an $8 million bench-warming duo in Gadzuric and Bell.  There’s nothing really to be done about that now, save for suckering some idiot (read Kevin McHale) into a lopsided trade.

Milwaukee needs a SF that isn’t Desmond Mason.  Maybe you use that lottery pick on a SF, but after Michael Beasley who is there to take, some Italian guy?  Maybe you address it through free agency, but how much luxury tax is Kohl willing to pay?  Maybe you just hope that the magic ball gives Milwaukee the 1st overall pick.  It’s happened before.  Multiple times.  Of course the Bucks have had enough chances…

Lastly (probably not the last thing, but last on my short list) the Bucks need to quit fiddle-fucking around at PF.  Just play the best guy the majority of the minutes and stop hurting the teams rhythm by swapping Yi and Villanueva in and out.  Hell, I’d be happy if Larry K just went for a Very Tall look by playing Villanueva at SF and Yi at PF.  You’re 24-46, why the hell not?